Ricky's Life yo

Blueberyy boyyss

2008-08-06T23:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4OTPzSYKOc

skins, crystal castles, NiN fans and homeless one-liners

2008-07-30T10:58:00.000-07:00

I watched 2 full seasons of skins over the past couple days, and its pretty good. I'd say check it out if your into british swearing, drug/alcohol use, fornication and good music.

Last night I went to crystal castles who opened for nine inch nails. I dont like nine inch nails very much and only recognized 2 of the songs, but they did have a cool light show. The sad part was that the people barely cheered for crystal castles. I mean the whole friggin saddledome was packed, and me and one other friend had to start every cheer. Calgary people make awesome bands feel bad, hence why cool bands dont like coming here. But regardless, its always fun to see your favorite bands playing live to see how tall they really are. (Always over 6-feet)

Anyways, CC ended up doing like a 6-7 song set, where alice glass the singer even apologized to the crowd, which made me feel so bad for them. Calgary sucks. I can't blame everybody too too much, cause nine inch nails is pretty generic, and CC is an underground dance band, but they could have at least danced a little to humor them. Don't just stand there and stare at them like idiots.

On that note, Nine inch nails fans all look like this.....It's like your generic dude. Always with a hat, sunglasses, those stupid mid 90's converse shoes, a t-shirt with a band logo or non-funny catchy phrase, shorts and opposable"truck". They don't talk much, think they're better then everyone, make asshole comments, have one syllable names like "Joe" or "Dave" and have eventually get forearm tattoos that is rather some black cross symbol or a phrase like "Live another day". They also always have girl friends that they don't look like they deserve. So I went to a concert full of those guys. But lets move on to a lighter note. Homeless people :)Homeless People are found through-out the earth, and with that, their catchy lines to try and get you to toss some coinage. Some of them will do the long drawn out life story, and those i'm not so easy to give up dough to, but a select few have created the right set of words to get me going. So what is your favorite homeless line?

Even just last night, i was approached by one who said "Could I trade ya a fine for a wheel?" I mean its not bad; cause at least it gets you thinking, "huh?" and that right there alone is worth the 35 cents. There was one I heard that was like "I have 47 cents, how much do you have?" This was key, because the homeless man set out a challenge for me, and one that I was forced to succeed at (therefore giving him 50 cents). What a smart guy.

The moral here, is don't give money to the homeless unless they make you think "what the frick?" in the process, and that includes not being able to understand what they said to begin with.

I drank alot, and want to sleep. Goodbye

Well that'tll do-er folks

2008-07-21T03:09:00.000-07:00

Dance music is here for now, but the death of indie rock has come.

Remember when bands like bloc party, the shins, dfa, deathcab and metric were the biggest shits out? like 2004. I remember those good ol'days.

well now its the middle of 08' those bands have washed up and it seems as though Djs/bands Justice, Crystal Castles, MGMT and MSTRKRFT have taken over. (as well as the growing trend to remove vowels)

anyways the reason this is a final big deal is the only idol/savour i had left for rock and roll "sebastien grainger" has recorded new dance tracks and has become a DJ himself, most likely ditching his current stuff in the process if this new stuff succeeds (which it will)http://hypem.com/artist/data+feat++sebastien+grainger

question lingering though is whats next? cause word on the street is that dance will be out by 10'

maybe rap will make a come back, or maybe some crazy future ambient space music like gary numan was making back in the day. Anyways, ittl have to stay pretty H-core, so the hipsters still have a reason to wear ripped jeans. Personally I really hope disco returns :D

-out

Da blog will resume for now

2008-07-20T01:12:00.001-07:00

by popular request the friendship blogz is bax for a bit..

so what has happened in the last like 3 months? Did aerosmith finally win world champion? Is there a reason that we all wake up with new mysterious big scratches on our arms? Answers to these questions and more in the coming future!

anyways, without a real job for a couple weeks and now that im carrying child, I get to finally rest up and start poopin dem pants again

CELEBRITY LOOKALIKES

who do you look like?

well according to http://www.myheritage.com/ I look like:

Yoko ono, also known as the destruction of the beatles, and/or MILF

thanks for playin. PCE!

Best fight scene ever

2008-04-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

be sure to listen what theyre fighting over

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqKFadyJxwg&eurl=http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/forbidden_kingdom/news/1722234/14.php

if someone asks you to put on the glasses, just do it.

Someone changed my past! WTF WTF

2008-04-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

http://namesdatabase.com/schools/CA/AB/Calgary/F%20E%20Osborne%20Jr%20High%20School

check out under class of 2003 haha FE OSBORNE YO WHAT?!!!!!!!!!

best part is only 4 other people graduated with me!

ISE BES TSOOOO SMARTZZ!????

starcade! and lies!

2008-04-27T01:22:00.000-07:00

As much fun as it is to laugh at awkward teens, corny 80s fashion, and hilariously dated parting gifts, there’s something genuinely compelling about Starcade. There’s no denying that the thick patina of nostalgia that coats Starcade informs much of my appreciation, but it’s also a pretty solid game show on its own terms–interesting contestants, a host that keeps the game moving, and stakes that you care about. I was seriously crushed when a contestant flubbed his chance to win a Tron arcade machine in the final round of one episode.

Most importantly, it’s not condescending, treating video game competition seriously, but without trying to elevate it with comparisons to pro sports, or drowning it in marketing nonsense. I simply cannot imagine Starcade existing today without energy-drink endorsements and radically challenging on-air personalities.

So yeah, I highly recommend you spend your weekend working your way through all of the episodes of Starcade that are available on the official Starcade website–believe me, it’s not hard. If you need me, I’ll be killing you.

the greatest song

2008-04-23T18:22:00.001-07:00

http://www.myspace.com/killcheerleader

princess ann

THE ROCK CAME BACK!! YAYAYAYYAY

2008-04-23T17:51:00.000-07:00

im not sure if i agree with his new entrance though
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4Wxe0ET2l4&eurl=http://www.giantbomb.com/

ahhh gawd HAHA

2008-04-17T00:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I like to try to make others laugh. Rarely do others make me laugh.

So its a really special moment when I can find something so stupid that it can make us all laugh together.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Atx2yR_UfUaFtSsD3i0QGs4jzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20080321113357AAJ4YmW

"How to approach a cat?"

"Sometimes I'm just walking along and see a cat outside someone's house and I'd like to pet it. How do I approach it? How do I go about petting it and where? Should I kneel down?"

i'm going to puke.

Hot celebz

2008-04-15T19:06:00.000-07:00

Here are some celebs I find attractive to the touch.

Everyone in this picture is a "hotz celebz"

Oh man, look at all of those "hotz celebz" xxxxxxxxxzzzzzzzzzzzcccccccccccc

the podcast

2008-04-15T19:05:00.001-07:00

http://emotionalfeedback.mypodcast.com/

yoyoyoyo!

wicked

2008-04-11T17:15:00.000-07:00

I was at my mom's house and had her send me some vids of me when I was a baby, and found the most wicked one.

I uploaded it onto youtube enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCU1U-42vfQ

Small Update*

2008-04-10T14:32:00.000-07:00

There will be a podcast coming in the near future.

No more reading, you'll just hear sensual voices.

FINAL KOMBAT pt 4 best of list. 4-1

2008-03-30T09:36:00.000-07:00

That's it, it finally time for the top 4 bestests and most powerfuleststs champions of kombat. Are you ready? IM NOT

#4. Fujin

Fujin was introduced into the series in the sub-zero mythology games, which was infact one of the first games that I sat down and completed in my young native american youth. Some people say fujin can blow up a balloon with his godlike wind powers in under 2 seconds, but actually the speed title is still held by "smat smat, diene spiele katze fratz". Besides workin dem hoes he is also the protector of earthrealm, a.k.a makes sure we don't die, so give this guy respect or he might pull off another holocaust with his ponytail thats as long as my dong. His weapon used to be a crossbow, but after the makers found out how gay that was, they gave him a big ass mace, but we all know his really weapon is anger. Watch out cause fugin fujin is not fudgin around.

#3. Sub-Zero

WHAT THE FUCK. WHY ISN'T HE #1! Thats right, sub-zero gets the number 3 spot on this outrageous list. The fact of the matter is that there are really two sub-zeroes, with endless possibilities for the future so theres not really a dude to cheer for here. Even you and me could oneday be sub-zero...well not you but, I could be frikidy freeze himself. Some downfalls include that girl sub-zero frost which I think is basically just gay, and in the end made him slightly less cool. nuff said. Sub-zero became probably one of the easiest characters to use due to his special traits and was the only character you could beat goro with in MK:2 (hard mode). He can be given the title of coolest looking ninja in the history of life, but also the title of worst fatality. (He tosses the tiniest snow ball at the dude, who then blows up). It is just not satisfying. He comes with the good, and also some bad, makin him a solid numba 3.

#2. Scorpion

Well the day finally came where I put forth slightly more regard for scorpion then sub-zero. Who knew id betray such a close friend. Overall and over the course of the series, scorpion has never changed his mission statement. He's fuckin evil, likes to yell shit, and you can never kill him cause he'll somehow return in ghost form and just be an annoying piece of shit to deal with over and over again, forever. Probably my most favorite thing about scorpion are his sayings such as Get Over Here, Get Down Here, and my least favorite, Get Out. He could really just scream stuff the whole match cause it would fit his character, but the makers had to draw the line somewhere... Scorpion also has the fastest sweep kick out of any character in any game. You can probably link 5 to 6 consecutive sweep kicks on a regular basis while the other player throws his controller at the T.V. smashing it everywhere and then stomps on your arms. The moral is that you can choose to play scorpion, but if you do youre a cheater.

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#1. Raiden

Raiden is god.

When I can finish 4 different games with him using only one move, you know that something awesome has been born. Back Back Forward punch, Back Back Forward Punch, over and over and over and over. Just to hear him scream while he's flying through the air gives me a bonner straight away. One thing most people don't know is that raiden's throw radius is huge. You could be standing at the opposite end of the arena, and I could still grab you and throw you. There's just no complaints here...well besides that short haired dude that played him in MK: Aninihilation, but besides that this is the greatest and most powerful of all the Mortal Kombat characters and any new ones.

*ALSO CHECK THIS OUT

This site (official site of Ed boon) has a mysterious countdown on it, leading people to believe that he is about the announce the next generation MK game. Who knows what the fuck is gonna happen next.

http://www.noob.com/

And yes, its finally here.... MORTAL KOMBAT 3: DEVASTATION! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0293429/

MK PT 3! best of list. 9-5

2008-03-27T04:52:00.000-07:00

It's tough workin 9-5! Mah bebe is fatz, and has da too manies wormz in da face EEWWWWW. Here is the continued list of the greatest fighters in MK history.

#9. Smoke

All I can say when it comes to smoke is what the fuck. I remember losing to him in MK:2 once in a life time cause he was a secret character along with jade. Then he was in Mk:3 as a cyborg, and then was missing from MK:4. Then in the some of the future games he was combined with saibot. Smoke is a faggorz and isn't even good, he's just an annoyance on the mind and a big enough one to be this high on the list.

#8. Noob Saibot

Now for one of the cooler ninja's Saibot himself. Did you know backwards his name is Tobias Boon, and the makers of the MK series were named Ed boon and John Tobias? Wild. Wild thang.

Saibot was actually the original sub-zero before he later on joined some dark brotherhood, so if you're ever playing the oringal MK-MK2, youre actually playing as noob. Thats's why the sub-zero in MK:3 is a totally different dude with no mask who became the new sub-zero. DID YOU KNOW THAT? I DIDNT UNTIL I LOOKED IT UP! That means saibot actually has the moves of both sub-zero and shadow shit, making him sick wit it.

#7. Reptile

Reptile winzzzz. Mean and Green live in color, you just know this dude is serious. He's a frigen lizard and spits acidic mucus at your face, are you kidding me? In the original games he appeared to be a green ninja, and shocked the world when he took off his mask during a fatality to grab the other dudez head with his tongue and rip that shit off. He also had the ability to go invisible which was the cheapest crap, and kinda stupid cause the person controlling him usually forgot where he was too. Besides that reptile is a solid pick, just dont lick his dick.

#6. Goro

Aww fuck its goro, get the fuck out. If you ever had the chance to go up against goro, you know that he was usually 3 times harder then the final boss in any of the games. He has the cheapest moves, and they take so much damage off that you scream. He's up on the list because of these facts, and will be remembered as a tough CPU controlled MOFO. In the MK movie when johnny cage punches his nads he starts crying, making it one of cinematics most hilarious scenes.

#5. Liu Kang

YEAHH MANNNN. Kangz in town, and he's pissed. I don't know why they killed him later on in the series and brought him back as a zombie cause gay that. Over the series, liu kang had enough special type moves, that anyone playing him never even had to kick or punch. Besides his bruce lee type sound rip offs, he also had some of the best finishers in the game, including turning into a dragon and dropping an arcade machine on his opponents head. Did you know he was also trained by Bo'rai cho? gay. If they ever make another movie, they gotta use the same guy again, I don't care how old he is.

Mortal Kombat best of list. 14-10

2008-03-26T06:23:00.000-07:00

The countdown continues, as we finally find out who is better then who in all aspects of moda fugin KOMBAT.

#14. Sektor & Cyrax

Thats right you slut, I grouped these fucks together, making them both #14 on the list. Don't agree? Then pce out. There's nothing really too special about these dudes other then the fact that they are robots, and have cool names. Something you might not know is Cyrax is actually a black dude, but something you will know is his moves are gay. Cyrax can basically trap you in a green net, or shoot bombs out of his chest...thats it. Sektor kinda of follows in the same boat. Because he's red and has lazerz daggzorz he is a little bit cooler, but his moves (firing missles out of his chest) are just as gay. You would only pick them because you wanna be a cyborg for awhile, but then you realize how lame it is, and if you don't have techno music in the background, its just way way worse.

#13. Kenshi

So now we finally can get into some characters worth mentioning, starting with kenshi. Playing this guy was always weird, cause he's blind and you're not, so you could always see the action just the same. They should insert some weird mechanic so that if you select him, that you can't always see what is going on in the fight, but to compensate you just make him really strong. It will never happen so fuck off. Besides being a fun swordsman to play, kenshi also has telekinetic powas, and when he was first introduced into the series, he was the most powerful player you could choose.

#12. Johnny Cage

Johnny cage is pretty much the most well rounded character in the whole series. He's a cool guy to meet and is my best friend. Half the reason he's up on the list have to do with the sound his hyper ballz make. It's probably the coolest sound in anything and i'm personally able to mimic it with my mouth after years of training. Plus this dudes got shadow kicks, shadow kicks are rad. Johnny cage punches dicks, Johnny cage gets the ladies, and Johnny cage would make a great dad.

#11. Jax

Crikidy Crax, Jax to the Max. In MK:2, the only chracter I would choose to beat the game with was jax..up till goro. This was because his finisher was the easist shit ever, and I want to see him clap everyone's head off. I would never choose jax now, nor will I ever again, but we had some good times. I'm sure he could school me in any sports competition because he looks athletic. He now plays for the bengals and we wish him all the luck with that SUPERBOWLZ.

#10. Kung Lao

I don't care what people say, kung lao is the shit. Even though everyone plays him because they think throwing sharp hats is cool, I play him because I wanna throw his hat hard. Kung lao is what Id call raiden's most notorius rival, besides like fujin and Shang Tsung and a few others...cause they look alike? If you catch him on a good day, he'll maybe teleport too, so that makes him kinda cool right there. He's not really known for much cept for throwing the hat, and that whole idea was stolen from oddjob (James Bond movies) but w/e..Kung lao will kick yo ass.

MORTAL KOMBAT MUTHA FUCKA Best of list. 20-15

2008-03-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

You has beef? You betta shut it before I get mah bro sub-zero to freeze your face. If dat don't ride, I'll call up mah dogg jax from his new job at NFL to come rip off your stupid arms. If you into the swank? Spill to mileena, but not before she sucks yo ass up and spits you out bones. I'm talking straight up MK you snailsnappa.

Well all know about the kombats of mortals, and are familiar with our favorite characters, so I decided to get into the best of the best and rank em based on awesomeness in a list of out 20.

#20. Bo'rai cho

Bo'rai cho, otherwise known as fat drunk piece of shit gets the bottom of the cool list. He was not in the original MK games, and made his first debut in Deadly Alliance, THAT'S 3D FOLKS! Even though people hate his guts, they can't help but try him out at least once. Why did he even make the list you ask? Simply because one of his finishers is tremendous. He backs up, jumps into the air and then belly flops on to the guy who then responds by exploding, followed by screaming even after he has exploded. But good luck trying to even do it, because most of the time you'll just lose the match due to his suck.

#19. Baraka

Ever think why that obama campaigning shit is so popular? It's got nothing to do with people and politics and money and all that hasafras. Friken baraka is the reason. He's on the list because in MK:2 he was the cheapest character to pick, and easiest character to beat the game with, and hardest CPU character to face. He was also one of the few characters in the MK series to not have any throwing type spells, but instead used his only his armblades of steel. People often feel baraka is misunderstood or is actually good, but really he's just a bald fag that looks like a shark.

#18. Shang Tsung

Moda fugin Shang Tsung. I always wondered why people didn't pick him more often, with his pretty well rounded character strenghs, the power to steal souls and the ability to shapeshift into the rest of the cast. Those reason's alone are largely what make him #18, but really it was that epic fighting scene at the end of MK:the movie with the music goin. Very trendy. The truth is nobody picks him cause nobody remembers or wants to remember how to to turn into their favorite character. By the time you figure it out, yo ass is deadz.

#17. Sindel

Hot ass sindel with her old ass titties. She's on the list cause she screams pretty good. That's it. Never play as her.

#16. Kano

Kano is cool, cause kano is a badass. He likes to beat up girls, swear and speak in accents. In the movie theres a scene where him and sonya are battling and he has her held up against him, and he accidently spits on her face. That scene alone made the movie 10 times better and kano worthy of such a list. I didn't even realize kano wasn't in MK:2 till a couple days ago; probably because if he was, Id never pick his suck ass anyways. Pains the name of the gamo, undertaker vs kano.

#15. Stryker

Alright well obviously half is coolness straight away is his name. Secondly he just looks like a cool guy to hang out with, what with his backwards cap and humanoid weapons. He was known best for being a cheap character in MK:3 and having one of the best combos that would basically kill the other dude real fast. I never picked him though cause grenades are gay when you can use magic. Blue shirt though, pretty shocking.

So thats todays countdown, the rest have been figured out and are comin soon.

DragonBall Movie: Release date April.3rd/09

2008-03-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

So finally them bitches are making a DB movie. Now we know its not as cool or popular as DBZ, but there are still plenty ballz, alienz, fightingz and a dragonz which just makes any subject fantastic.

All I gotta say is cartoons along with games that are made into movies are suck, mostly because of the fact that they are made by the White man trying to make an extra buck off a famous licensed product. There are a couple exceptions here and there, like transformers, and the X-men series but does that mean we're taking a turn in the quality of these type of remakes?.....not on christs life.

So instead of ripping on the subject, I thought id thought Id show the actors, and who they are portraying to see if they at least did a half decent job.

CAST:

Goku

First off the man himself Goku played by Justin chatwin. Well I should actually say kid Goku, because you have to remember this is DragonBall we're talking about here...

First complaints is using the Caucasians. We all know I hate white skin, but this is a Japanese product here, and I just assumed while watching that they were all Japs. Boo to that.

If you're thinking that actor looks familiar, its cause he was the son in War of the Worlds. All I remember from his role in that was, how the hell did he get all the way to his mom's house in boston so fast. Especially after he got essploded. Apparently he also stared in Superbabies:2 which went straight to Dvd, so goodluck with one of the most respected and well known characters in anime history. What a fail.

Lord Piccolo

Now, apart of the first one, I think they Actually did well this time around. James Marsters, otherwise known as badass dude in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series will take the role of piccolo. He also was in smallville, has a band, and just straight up looks the part.

The difference here is we at least know the dude has history in beating people up, and reminds me of Billy idol. Well done.

Masta Roshi

Fuck yeah. Chow freakin Yun fat. If you don't know who this chikidy chinese warrior is, then stab yourself in the chest elliot smith style, cause this guy is a fighting legend. The image below of him isn't even from the movie, so we already know that he fits the part in everyway.

Dude is more well known for in North America for Crouching tiger, bulletproof monk, and even Pirates of the caribean 3, but apparently has made like a thousand movies in asia. What a hero.

Bulma

Well, I don't know too much about bulma, besides knowing that she invented the thing that locates the dragonballz, but what I do know is that it was extremely difficult finding a picture of her not naked on google. She will be played by the sexay Emma Rossum who was in Day after Tomorrow and some other crap, but nobody cares cause all girls have to do in action movies is be hot.

Theres some other people, but they dont matter enough for me to make opinions on them.

So Besides boy goku the actor front isn't entirely bad, but I still don't understand how theyre going to make 10 minute zoomed in face twitching action interrupting soliloquys translate to film.

We'll have to wait and see.

Funk Fanatico

2008-03-21T08:02:00.001-07:00

im addicted to writing movie scenes that I plot out in my head. I'll be doing a special on a couple upcoming movies in the near future, but here's one more scene till then, in a new series "Funk Fanatico" Btw, I was thinking about it for awhile and realized cities that allow Super heroes must be affiliated with capital punishment, cause those heroes are allowed to murder so many people. Heath Ledger didnt deserve it batman and neither did september 11th.

Funk Fanatico

Yits lines up behind a large crowd at thee "All out Fighting competition of the Sherwood community".

Looking around at all the people, he notices familiar faces, such as his neighbor Mr.Watts who is dressed in a full tight black suit, or Mrs.Carol, his 8th grade teacher, who is war screaming in preperation. Some of his friends are there too, but further ahead in line, so he doesn't move up and risk losing his spot, even though everyone gets entered.

The fighting competition takes place every year in the neighborhood community hall gymnasium, to find out who is the toughest and most respected of the sherwooders, with the winner usually walking away with a stick of ham and a couple of free movie tickets/game rentals.

Usually about 40 people take part in the competition per year from 6 year old boys to stray dogs, but this year, Sherwood had its outside commune thomsville join in, raking in an extra 17 people.

Yits ponders around in line, wondering if he should do this, only to look ahead and realize he is next to sign up. Up at the front there is a very large hairy man sitting at the booth with a couple pieces of paper and an evil tatoo on his face. Yits backs up slowly in fear before he bumps into a man in a radish costume and is pushed forward all the way up to the counter. The man looks up and begins to speak in a low growling voice.

Mulrey-You here for the sign up?

Yits- yeah.....I guess so..

Mulrey- Name?

Yits- Yits Rasinburry

Mulrey- Age?

Yits- 18

Mulrey- Weapon?

Yits- wait wait, we're allowed weapons?

Mulrey- You bet your titties we are.

Yits- oh god.......umm alright well.......axe?

Mulrey- axe? alright axe it is. Now tell me Yits, how many skills are you?

Yits- How many skills am I? What do you mean by that? Do you mean what skills do I have?

Mulrey- No you fuck on fire, how many skills are you?

Yits- I dunno..? 3? I am 3 skills?

Mulrey- Are you kidding me? You are 3 skills?

Yits- Well I dont know, how many skills are you?

Mulrey- I am the skills that kills

Yits- Whats that?

Mulrey- Well it means that I hold the sole crystal power of Gixnaxmi, allowing me to crush my foes with the easiests of manuvers, both embarresing them, and making me more powerful.

Yits- I'm not sure what all that means, but just put me down as "skills that kills" too

Mulrey- Two kills huh? I can't wait to finally doom my long awaited rival.

Yits- You arent going to hurt me are you?

Mulrey- Oh im gonna cut your fuckin head off

END

Hilarious

2008-03-20T03:50:00.001-07:00

A perfect example of what I find hilarious

"The cafe"

2008-03-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I wrote this. It will make you feel ill inside, like im feeling right now. Have fun.

A Tall Man in shorts and raincoat walks into a cafe, and scans the room. The place is full, but there is a pretty woman sitting by herself in the corner eating a danish and reading a white piece of paper. There is loud chatter, and music playing soflty in the background. He approaches her table.

Toobs-Hey, can I eat a piece of your cookie with you?

Mabes-Excuse me?

Toobs- Yeah, just noticed you were eating that cookie, and id like to share it with you. I'll nible on one side, and you can have the rest. Bargain.

Mabes-umm, no

Toobs- It's probably rotten anyways. I can't believe you keep eating it cause that would be sick if you bit it one more time infront of me. You're a big fat pig though, so who knows what you'll do next.

She attempts to get up; he stops her

Toobs- Wait, wait....im sorry..........sorry... I'm just a little stressed out this week. My car exploded and I just need someone to talk to. You understand right? We've all been there. Please sit.

He smiles genuinely. She sits back down.

Toobs- So what's that piece of paper there, are you writing me a secret love note, or perhaps a photo colage? Oh I know, I bet you're reading a book on climbing. Do you know what that is? Pass it quick before anyone sees, I'll have a quick read.

She pretends to smile, but her eyes are filled with fear

Mabes- I think I have to go, but it was nice talking to you

She gets up and quickly scuttles for the door, exiting the cafe. The man smiles.
There is a pop machine up against side wall with a young male standing infront of it, pondering his choice.The young boy puts his money into the machine, but still remains undecided. The man walks up to him.

Toobs- How much money did you put in?

Piper- A dollar, why?

Toobs- I have two dollars

Piper- So?

Toobs- I'm two times better. Pick this one.

The man blindly slams his hand into one of the machines buttons, prompting a diet rootbeer to fall from the bottom

Piper- HEY! Why'd you do that? I didn't want that one!

Toobs- I wanted it. I broke my toe doing that and am unable to speak to you any further.

The man shotguns the diet rootbeer and leans forward against a table, Shifting it forward and causing him to fall down. Peeking around again, he spots a couple of guys sitting nearby, laughing about old times. He approaches.

Toobs- Hey studs, I'm reporter for the daily ruble, could I ask for a minute of your time to answer some questions about the city?

The two men stare at each other and smile.

Prix- Alright, we have a minute, fire away.

Toobs- Cool, cats. First question regards the balance between liquids and solids in our municipality.

Yem- What do you mean?

Toobs- I mean like do you prefer sodas, or meats? Are you guys assholes? Cause it really sounds like you're a couple of jackasses right?

Prix-Buddy, do you want to get your ass kicked?

Toobs- You couldn't kick my ass, you look like a weak female, who is ugly and has a mouth filled with mucus.

Yem starts laughing ans shaking his head in a "you're just asking for it" way

Prix- That's it guy, lets go outside.

The man and his friend get up, pulling the man in the raincoat towards the door.

Toobs- Unhand me captors. This is beyond rude. I'm not frequent.

They open the door and pull him outside onto the sidewalk. There are cars going by and the sky is grey.

Toobs- I'm afraid you've made a sacred mistake, and will have to pay for your intrusion.

The man in the raincoat reaches his right hand into his inside pocket. The two men back up.

Toobs- Climax, engaged.

omg

2008-03-18T09:12:00.000-07:00

this will steal 7 minutes if your life, but this is what happens in north korea

http://youtube.com/watch?v=GwKWttrEaSM

Television's greatest network YTV (years 1995-2000)

2008-03-17T08:42:00.000-07:00

If you asked me how many show's I watched as a kid, I would prolly burp under my breathe and frown. Alot of mongrels ended up sticking to family channel, or maybe the new and hip "Teletoon" that just hit the market at the time. But me you ask?............I was watching the prime time.Sucka what!

So many great shows to name like hey arnorld, pochemonz, rugrats, big comfy couch, kitty cats!, Video and Arcade top 10 and freakin reboot...

even UH OH was fucking hilarious! HAHAHA UH OH!!!!!!!! and then kane would spit/poop his own slime into the glass thing. The type of disrespect that dude had really just grossed me out. He didn't need his bucket of green gobly goops to do that.

Ytv also got me in touch with my personal side. If you all remember, right after Sailor moon on saturday mornings, they had this show called "Bare-butts" and it was 2 hours of just naked butts. That show had the best theme song though. "Bare-butts bare-butts, whats that quack? Air-butts my bare-butts, accomplished attack."

They also had a show called "Unleash the pain" which was a thousand times scarier then goosebumps/freaky stories/are you afraid of dark?/ and hell combined. Basically they would show off a series of really terrifying pictures of creatures from across the world, like the one below. God that show just made me shit my pants over and out captain.

A couple of the other shows that get the honorable mention were the "Cat adventure's of Zelda"He friken died in the first episode, and then they just filmed his face for the next three seasons. I think sometime in season 2, one of his ears fell off, but ill have to to look it up again.

Then there was that ugly little girl "Shmetlik Blench" who could eat a bunch of pizza's in under 2 minutes. It wasn't very interesting, but it always got hilarious everytime she'd throw up and start screaming.

YTV changed my life, and ethnic background. It was the first broadcast station to actually feature people trying to succeed at life, and introduced our hollywood love Mike Modano.

With all this greatest, what could make a guy like me stop watching..........?It was that baby talking harpy siren sexy sasafrass Stephanie Beard. Do not be fooled by her striking good looks, for this demon-soul is literally 2 feet tall (Otherwise known as a leprachaun) and has the voice of what you would describe as a baby filled with helium who is chewing bubbles.

Ever since the day she joined, they cancelled all the good shows, or ruined the ones that existed.

I hate you Stephanie beard, and I hope when you're pregnant and your stomach grows big, that someone elbow drops it full on and beheads your baby.

im angry, and im out.

What is inappropriate?

2008-03-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

I like to think people are too snooty and self righteous. They all think they know right from wrong, left from right, pan from boop, blix from bung, klang from slat. But really, what the shit is inappropriate these days, in a our world of woes? Below will be a list of scenarios and you decide if they are inappropriate or not.

If something is, you will get 1 point, if it isn't you get no points. Add your points to find out what type of person you are.

Let's start this schank!

1. Eating beetles and lint

2. Getting a bonner while crying

3. Laying down and peeing straight up

4. Spitting on the groceries of the people ahead of you in line

5. Shaving your dad's head whenever he laughs

6. Paying for stuff with gravel

7. Calling Saturday Night Live, "Saturgay boobs night"

8. Bending over in public, and pointing your butt into the air to fart

9. Nick-naming reptile from mortal kombat "Mean and Green"

10. Tickling old people until they scream

11. Collecting snakes, and using them as floppy swords to whip at people

12. Instead of getting someone a present for their birthday, you get a life

13. Slipping bombs into people's drinks

14. Throwing a slop of seaweed at yourself, then scream that you're being attacked by a demon

15. Starting to rapidly shake in public, and warning others near you that you may explode if they dont buy you a can of pop

thats all of them. So lets get to the points.

1-15 pts = you're a pig

0 pts = you're unreal

made me choke to death

2008-03-13T07:07:00.000-07:00

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1806533

the video above made me laugh so hard (while eating) I started choking and then ran to the bathroom to puke.

The Best Screenplay You'll Ever Read

2008-03-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

Well the M.I.B: 4 movie didnt work out all too well, cause after contacting a local producer, I was told that if I wanted all the stuff in the movie that I listed out, it would cost 40 billion dollars, the lives of 300 people (one of which is morgan freeman), and the democracy of Chad. So to avoid those pesky lawsuits, and the death of russia's greatest actor, I think i'm going to play it safe with another special feature titled "Jumangi 2: Satan's return"

90 year old Robin williams would return once again to the big screen in what will be the most hilarious outrageous comedy of the year! Also starring that one dude from Ready to Rumble, Marvin Wayens, and The Rock!

Instead of giving a trailer, this time ill actually give a special sneak peak at the screenplay in this little excerpt seen below.

I must also make sure I remember to mention that Marvin waynes is in the bottom right hand corner of the screen doing his standard comedian act during the entire movie. He talks at the same level of volume as the people in the film, so you can't always hear what is being said by anyone. Simply Outrageous!

Characters:
Robin-Alan
Dwayne Johnson-Angry coach
Marvin-Stand up comedian
Ricky-Robin's son (Andrew)
Ready to Rumble guy-Ref

*Prologue
Alan decides to take his young son Andrew to the local hockey game downtown. Ever since the death of his daughter Raven, Alan has promised himself to make sure he spends as much time with Andrew as possible before he dies too.

At the Rink

Andrew-Hey dad here's our seats, section 14B, seat 11 right?

Alan-Righto as an oreo slick, why don't you save my seat while I get us a couple beers

Andrew-Haha, dad you know I don't drink

Alan-Well you better start, cause you might die like your sister

Andrew-How could you say such a thing!?

Alan-Cause im the one who killed her

The game begins as the father and son try to relax and enjoy each other's company, when suddently Andrew notices a bag his dad is holding under his chair.

Andrew- Hey dad, whats in the bag?

Alan- Mind your shit, and drink your beer

Andrew- Dad, you're starting to really scare me

Alan- Fine! It's about time you see what a real man is anyways

Alan goes into the bag, searches for a bit, and finally pulls out a pair of old style skates from the 40's.

Andrew- What are you going to do with those?

Alan- Are you kidding me!? Ever since my 30'th birthday i've wanted to join the NHL, and here's my chance

Andrew- Are you crazy? You're not allowed on the Ice!

Alan- One more word, and i'll put a mosquito into your mouth

Andrew- How are you even going to get out there?

Alan- That's it! Fuck you son, I'm leaving you and your mother. Stop being an asshole and help me over the boards

Andrew grapples his dad's foot as he begins to lift him over. Alan gets himself high enough and finally smashes into the ice on the other side, and remains face down.

Andrew (yelling)- Dad are you okay?

Alan- Follow your dreams son, like I did mine.

One of the ref's finally notices Alan on the ice, and blows the whistle ending play. The whole audience is now looking down at alan, who is now taking off his clothes. He slowly gets up and skates over to a player pretending to be hurt and yanks his stick from his hands, grabbing control of the puck. Skating towards one of the nets (that has a goalie with his back turned, drinking out of a water bottle) alan drives forward and takes a hard wrister. It hits the goalie in the back of the leg and bounces away. The goalie falls down in pain. Alan raises his hands in victory.

Alan (under his breathe)- Ah Shit, nice save, but ill beat you next time

The ref finally skates over and grabs him

Ref- What the hell are you doing, are you ready to rumble?

Alan- You bet your balls

They begin to wrestle. The ref busts out of sick suplex breaking alan's back.

Alan- Ah shit.......JUMANGI!!!! SAVE ME!!!!

Andrew- I HATE YOU DAD!

The camera quickly swings around and zooms in on one of the coaches (Dwayne Johnson) who his angry and repeatidly screaming "OH ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM!"

end of scene.

You can get my autograph later.

Are pokemon real?

2008-03-10T06:44:00.000-07:00

What an amazing show of talents and remarkable juxtaposition. Frigin slave monsters who hurt each other for just a couple bucks and a hello marry. It is worth it? You bet your skinny little ass.

My neighbor's 5 year old kid told told me last weekened that pokemon were the real deal.....and in fact it was the last thing he told me before I chucked him off a bridge, but I got thinking...where did the idea of pokemon originate? JAPAN RIGHT? Don't be stupid. What you are about to see are real life pokemon.here is a lickitungGrowlithecuboneA herde of rapidashGravelerMukRaticateDrowseeExecuteArticunoDitto

All these pokemon found where? None other then New Zealand! Get ready these aussies are comin hard.

p.s. I even found the real Ash Ketchum ...this dude is packen

But apparently shit on his hat. Ash, you need to go ketch a shower! FUNNY. But really you smell like black shit.

Why I think im chinese

2008-03-08T07:14:00.000-08:00

This one is short but very important.

The other day, I started to research my family history and found out there we alot of weird mishaps and empty spaces in time over the course of the last century. Through further investigation and deeper search, I finally found a bundle of clues leading me to believe I'm actually chinese.

The first thing I recognized was that the chinese population takes up like 90% of the earth's population, so the chances of me being chinese are then 9/10. Add another and thats 9/11...terrorists anyone?

Next thing is that im outrageous at DDR, and love the work of Jackie Chan (including the cartoon) In grade 2, we were given the task to draw a self portrait. Upon finishing, I shocked the school when they realized I had actually drawn the chinese president Jiang Zemin. In that past I've been given the nickname "Ricky Tang" and also have more then 4 chinese friends.

These reasons alone mean I must be from China. It will be no longer cool for you to proceed to call me "chink". Siyanara amigos

*UPDATE

one of my asian friends sent a link to me last night to a chat room that is supposedly built for traders in the black market who sell stuff. They all typed in code, and nothing was in english but there were probably a thousand people in it. My friend told me 5 or 6 of them were agents of the CIA trying to to get this information to bust people and that big drug deals were made through this type of chatroom. I typed with word "boobs" into the chat, and then quickly exited out.

The Awesome Movie im Going Make

2008-02-25T00:34:00.000-08:00

We all like movies and its one of those areas where we can really share common ground with each other. Ever since I was 1 years old, I've wanted to make a movie for the millions and millions of people to enjoy so I got to thinking.

..........after 16 years and thousands of ideas, the single best movie idea finally pooped out of the butt.

here is the exact teaser:

That green screen pops up with all the white small writing, like they do before trailers...THEN IT STARTS, just visualize.

Its late One night 4 years into the future, as a crab fishing ship off the edge of bermuada struggles to make its way home through dark and stormy waters. Hard dance music begins to play as the people on board begin to glow, and fly into the air without a care. Everyone starts puking until the whole sea is now puke. I begin to puke aswell cause im the star of the movie, and I notice my love interest is watching me puke while she is now shitting and puking. I try to look cool and yell at her "Clean your fucking face". One of the guys in the back shouts "I guess we're all bulimics" We all laugh as barf shoots out of our mouths. My clothes begins to fall off me and dissolve and then evolve. Something in the distance in the form of a human bat, or a batman winks at me in anger.

A tree in water drops from the heavens and all the sudden we're in space. There's now sad music in the background, and stinky smells. The tree looks like an idiot and an annoying accomplice, but is really impressive.

then the screen goes black, and BOOM BOOM BOOM as the letters M.I.B hit the screen in white text.

Thats right, you guessed it. "Men in Black 4: The 2nd holocaust"

So much drama and thrill all in one action packed hour long cinema. Release date summer 2008, or "this summer" if you want to be a dick about it.

The way I see it, I would join agent J and K as the slick new agent on the block. "Agent Ricky Cool" I'm quicker, stronger, younger, and way better with the hotties. Hold on tight folks, cause this is going to be one hell of a bloodfest.

How to tell if you're transforming into a monster

2008-02-24T20:24:00.001-08:00

People transform into monsters all the time. Get over it. Most dudes just end up waking up a zombie in the later years anyways, eating brains and the homo kind, but we've invented things like restraining orders/fire dept to solve these issues. Besides that, we must try and seek what type of signs show up to inform you your transformation is occuring.

There are many and here they are:

1. You start smelling like poo a.k.a. "urination". It might be that you haven't taken a shower in a week, or dueced your pants, or maybe you're a vampire and from what ive heard, being a vampire sucks ass bro.

2. You choose to headbutt people as a preferred method to injure/harm/converse. It's a very underrated type of manuvere, but if delivered correctly and strategically, you can bruise a dude pretty good on the top of his kopf. I once headbutted El Diablo in the head, and that dude went silencio for 6 months.

3. People will begin to call you by the shortened form of your name. For instance a woman named "samantha" would be called "sam" and a man named "Bill" would be then called "Bi" which means he also like to bang guys, and not only is that a burn, its rather greedy.

4. You will have the craving to steal and commit crimes. Look at frankenstien for instance, cause that bag of balls stole everything from vcr's to audi's. Werewolves are constantly shitting in public and just imagine the size of godzilla's shit. Snake's are pretty illegal, and same with sharks, so i don't even understand why we allow those to remain active parts of our society today. Zoo's alone should just go to jail.

5. You will get shot more often. If people don't like the way you look, they will usually shoot you pretty quick. (examples. Hitler, Louis Riel, Voldemorte) That humpback of noter-gay got shot when he died didn't he? and that ended miserable and heartbroken. I always thought a hump was cool, cause its like reverse preggerz, or like a ninja turtle shell, but in reality it makes trying to sleep harder then the holocaust. (thats what she said)
6. Finally if you're the type of person to not let out a warning before you sneeze, then you've been a monster you're entire life. Above is wang sneezing into the blackness of her soul. Call me in 5 years when you grow up, and even then I might not pick up. Look how much she's sneezing, fuck off wang. Even I can't sneeze more then this bitch, and i'm a smug piece of shit.

These guidelines are very accurate,precise and very very proven, so watch for them in your daily life and if you don't, constantly question if you're an idiot.

ps. my favorite monster is thee El Chupacabra

CHUPA CHUPA CHECKMATE!

Top Ten Badass Things about the Medieval Times Pt.2

2008-02-16T08:43:00.000-08:00

I was going to make a bunch of cool paragraphs on the top 5 things, but im bored of the topic, and thought Id just list them out.

#5 castle

#4 heroes/adventurers

#3 huge epic battles

#2 the dragon

#1
What ever the fuck this is

finally done this topic! :D:D

See, i knew there was a reason I liked creed.

2008-02-14T12:58:00.000-08:00

He played fukin guitar for the band grassroots in the 60's! WHAT! (far left)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=hnFZsrs32Co

thats a cool vid of them playing, and cool song

The office is now the best

Top Ten Badass Things about the Medieval Times! PT.1

2008-02-14T04:06:00.000-08:00

#10. The Medieval sword is probably one of the coolest inventions in the world. It's function is to stab people, or slice them. Ya, I'd rather have a gun, but because guns means respect in my hood, and swords means your out-of-date so go get a gun instead. But anyways, over the years and galactics, many different types of swords have been manifested. Like the katana, or the power crystal sword of haunting damnation. I have a sword, snoop dog has a sword, And if you don't have one, you'll die.

#9.Chainmail is number nine cause not only do you look cool in it, but it is strong enough to deflect fists from entering your stomach. It is not strong enough to deter a sword, but as long as you can't punch through it, you'll live another day and I bet my life on that. Plus if you wear this in public, people will assume you're from back in time and get the local news people to interview you and give you money. Thats free exposure on TV and RICHES!....but thanks for lieing dude.

#8. Horses are so raven. They are cool for jousting and public fun(This is a picture of a horse wandering outside my old elementry school.) Not only can a horse trample your foes, they are also fast runners, which makes them apparently fun to bet on. Want to win a million bucks? go buy a horse or get a job! HA LIKE I SHOULD TALK! Though not as cool as a unicorn or pegasus, horses still carry the ability to fly, so watch out potter, cause you're broom is now a fag. The one small burdon about your horse is that he will always have bigger balls then you....and i mean always.

#7.

Personally my favourite item on this is list what we all know as "The Wench" or "My babies mama". Wenches are good for the mid-day bang, and also are useful for heavy lifting and other things that are boring. Before wenches became equal partners with the male, it was very rare they'd be seen as figures of importance, most likely due to the fact that women have smaller brains then men and are stupid. Even that joan of arc bitch got burned, and she had god on her side. This particular wench above has mud everywhere after escaping a gully hole and is now an embarrasment to her family. Therefore she will be taken to the gallows and hung before a great audience, which is a great segway to #6.

#6.

PUBLIC EXCECUTION AND TORTURE!!!!!!!!! YAAAA!!

Basically if you fucked up, this is what happened to you with no mercy. They'ed place you in a very social district, set up come crazy device, put you in it, kill you horribly, and at the eye witness of the whole town, who would also help you on your way to death by throwing large bricks or stones and other blunt objects, as they laughed and shouted at you. That shit is legit.

Don't fuck up.

So there's 10-6, with the rest coming next blog! see yas.

The Revival of Rock and Roll

2008-02-11T12:11:00.000-08:00

Well, I realize I promised a special on medieval stuff, but I got to thinking about the rock'n'roll genre and what grew and what fell apart. Basically after boston(which im pretty sure is still going, and has 2 girls in it now), there were no more feel good rock bands out there, cause the 90's hit, and grunge was setting in, and the air was just a hazzy horrid place. There were bands out there, but everybody was paying attention to the 90's gym dance tracks, and rap was finally making a name for itself.

I guess it took awhile, but bands started poppin up here and there like oasis, chilli peppers, U2 and even metallica. OBEY YO MASTA! MASTA and people took notice, but still other things were more distracting, like boy bands and alanis morssette's ugly face.

And then as the years rolled on, I think the genre that really infused rock was punk. Like sum 41 and Blink 182 and all those, because not only did it make people jump around, it also gave rockers in the making reason to make stuff better. OWNED. But of course I listened to all that jazz too. But during that time alot of stuff was just coming out, and more progressive stuff was being played, so all of the sudden, it was like rock was saved once again. At least until n'sync came out and we found ourselves distracted once more. Damn n'sync did so much damage to society. They hand-crafted todays preps.

Anyways deep under the sewers of all this, something was a'brewin. The creation of indie rock!

Now indie started way back early 90's, and if you really wanna get into it, indie pop started in the 70's but more bands were catching on. With theyre hip crowds and their hip t-shirts, these people didnt want to tell a soul. The general public didnt care anyways, but thats what made it sort of personal in a way. Even I was mad when I heard the shins were playing SNL for the first time. But you realize that they just want to succeed like anyone else, and they basically took a decade as a band to finally get there, which in the end makes most new indie bands feel very underwhelmed about their futures.

So with indie rock came the popularity of meshed genres, like hardcore bands, and dance-rock, and folk-rock, and now adays there is probably a rock band out there that you will love, and its inevitable. So really the question is whats next? The trend I see happening now is rock and dance peeling over to R&B, and Rap, so maybe thats the new thing.

or maybe something completely awful that makes me hate the genre all together. Time will tell!

anyways, after that 5 min constant typing ramble(which ill prolly wanna edit a million times to add all the bands i missed) ill leave with a song to listen to

its called "In transit" by "hammond Jr." which is not his full name but anyways, its solid

next blog=whatever I feel like dammit!

Stelmach=Satan

2008-02-09T03:57:00.000-08:00

Ed Stelmach is a piece of shit

Over the years Stelmach has done, and still does many terrible terrible things. He washes his car with money. He named his son hiroshima, and then next day, BOOM! He also puts money into the advancement of gundam technology, and don't get me wrong with this one cause tranformers are cool, but there's reasons we have 3rd world countries, amIrite? Africa says Hi Ed, and also "You're a douche". He even changed his last name in the mid 60's to hide his identity. His real name? Ed Hitler.

Why did we elect such a shithole? HMMM!!!! WHY????? HMMMMMM!! I WONDER WHY????
HMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

After much delagation, the people are upset and the votes are in. Ed Stelmach is voted most unliked fagfuck in the world. Not suprising. Even my grandma voted, and i'm pretty sure she's fukin blind. Ed Stelmach puts chains on the hands of the hungry and homeless

Ed Stelmach Did

and Ed Stelmach encourages bullying.

But there's more! Ed Stelmach was born in hell and has the ability to manipulate fire and bugs. Stelmach was in training to become a serious X-men, but failed because he was unable to run faster then a small child during one of the intense exercises. If you can't run faster then a stupid ugly baby, go fucking hang yourself now.

Ed Stelmach has more head-shots then Gustav, and even killed the lovable croc-hunter himself. R.I.P. thanks to Ed...

At age "fourty-something" he became aware of alberta, and saw all the shit going on here. In 2007 Ed Gay Stelmach entered the running for alberta premiere seeing as the current premiere, Ralph Cool Klein was stepping down after a heroic stretch of years.

At the time of the election there were four other popular candidates in the running, so why did we vote stelmach? What was this guys hook? All people knew coming from this guy was he lived on the praires for a couple days and had a chipper haircut. Now that's pretty good, but he must have had something going on in the background to help him gain the upper hand......like cheating.He cheated using weapons.

Next blog="Badass things about medieval times"

Slapstick!

2008-02-07T07:22:00.001-08:00

HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY! Lord of the Rings baby!

I tell ya, theres nothing like sittin back, crackin open a fresh beer, putting up your feet and watchin some hockey night in canada. The game of true canadians, and men. So besides that, I can guess what you're prolly thinking "Well ricky, i'm pretty sure I understand the game of hockey pretty well, what else is there to teach me?" Everything.

See most people don't generally know it, but hockey was first invented by the shady aboriginals in northern british columbia. Well that part we knew, but everyone thought it was some type of evolved form of lacross. And that is where you're completely wrong! Reason being at the time ice was only found on shubbery and trees, and never actually on the ground until the white man cleared it all. Lacross on the other hand was invented after basketball in canada but using rods instead of hands. So where does this mean hockey came from?

Hockey actually started after a fight over a fukin dog. Something that looked like this lazy piece of shit.

anyways the dog turned out to be a pretty solid skater and owned some of the guys there, and taught them how to play hockey. Here is a re-creation in the form of an old sculpture.

The dog continued to skate hard, but after numerous games it finally died. Just recently on cbc news, they said to have found a little pouch inside the dogs brains that listed the rules of hockey. Attached to it was another piece of paper that revealed the winner of the 2008 stanley cup.

The Edmonton Oilers!!!!

These days its terribly difficult to make the NHL. You have to be fast, big, and smart. You also have to have to ability to smash 20 stacked bricks with your mouth,

Funny story is I was actually in the NHL for 3 seasons, but had to leave due a sprained face but as you can see before I left, I was in the best shape of my life.

anyways, that is the NHL in a nutshell, next topic..........Stelmach! Get Ready!

World of Friken WoW

2008-02-07T05:34:00.000-08:00

So before We get into the shindigg, lets clear up some stuff. First off WoW gets a really bad rap, and im not talking about jarool. I'm talking about its addiction and what it does to players who play constantly from baby to brawn ignoring all social aspects of life. What is it about this game that really draws in millions of players and dollars?

The answer is simple and clean, and probably not a suprise.......
World of Warcraft is real boi

That's right, the world as we know it now has been a complete lie, and but thanks to me, the truth gets out. So why has this secret land been hidden all these years? Because you're an asshole. The relevance of this is huge and secret messages from the dinosaur times have tried to warn us for years.

Below is the pyramid of giza, in egypt, one of man's most ancient and famous landmarks

And here is the same picture from a reverse angle

Like basically we're fucked.

above is a gnome (Class mage).

and here is a dangeous tiger, many of which live very close to us. This picture was taken from my backyard. Luckly I was too quick and avoided 3 arrow shots from the S.O.B. Ignore the tiny printing in the picture.

Along side me there are 11 million accounts and that number is growing everyday, which means alot of really cool people are playing at the same time. And you'll prolly think: "11 million! overload!" or "Earth must be in grave danger, help us lord" and really, I don't have the answers to those gay questions, go read a fuckin book

But besides all that, it still leaves one question.....why pay? huh? Why pay a monthly charge and continue to waste all that piece of shit money?

why don't you ask this guy? I bet he knows why.

So there you have it. Next blog topic: NHL HOCKEY

Full House & Family Matters Pt.2

2008-02-06T01:13:00.000-08:00

Some call it a family sitcom about a struggling father trying to raise his kids without a mother, and his quirky buddies helping as step-dads. Others call it the 3rd anti-christ. I call it 3rd rock from the son. But how do we really define this show?

Well lets start with the basics. Pictured below is saget standing next to co-star Joey gladstone. Now what went on between these two? We know Uncle jesse had rebecca, but joey never had a girlfriend, and saget had that vicky chick, but how long did that last? 2 episodes? bite me. Does this mean that joey and bob were into each other? yes it does. Correct me if i'm wrong, but didn't the show take place in san fransisco? Don't you have to tape your butt shut if you go there? Beleeee dat.Look at this picture too, I didn't even photoshop it! Are they gonna get in trouble?

And remember stephanie tanner? How the hell did this happen?
Yeah thats her alright, I google imaged that crap. Heres some trivia, DJ's real name was Dirt Jacket.

But the show had alot of good episodes, like the one where they went to disneyland, and this rock climbing one, and this other one where they were forced to amputate joey to give something to comet. Check this crap out. Un-freakin-real.

Anyways, the show finally got canceled cause bob saget hit one of the olson shits. I remember cause on CNN they had this slogan that was like "saget is a faggot" and they kept repeating it. Then they got those 2 sons nicky, and alex. Now funny story, is they are the same actors from the hit series 7th heaven when that family had twins. They didn't think we'd notice? Yea go jack off.

So theres everything you need to know about the show. Now next blog is important because im going to explain everything about the game World of Warcraft and what makes it the shit. K BAI.

Full house & Family matters Pt.1

2008-02-05T09:17:00.000-08:00

yo, does your family matter? Because then this show will apply to your hideous life.

So Family matters, one of my all time favourite shows about an underground family of crime, who would try and keep low and out of trouble in fear of being sent back to their home planet. Personally, I thought the best character was Carl winslow. He knew when to cut corners, and when to punish his victims if the time ever came. It's rumored that in the pilot episode he was actually caught with a summoning stone, trying to conjure a few demons, but it never aired....or did it!....it was said years later the video was found by some crazy director, and made into a remake. Ever heard of the movie the exorcists? Also he was asked to do the voice overs for woody in toy story before emmy winner tom hanks, but refused to because he would break the toys due to his anger problems.

All this show did was bring up mysteries, like why did one of the families daughter's dissapear half way through? Did carl shoot her? More on this later.

and who the hell is eddie with in this pictorial from the first season? My first guess was his little brother freddy, but he wasn't born yet!

and finally urkel, this geek was a loser because he was a nerd. The actor in real life is nothing but trouble aswell. (Here he is pissing off 50 cent, I would run if I were you)

So was it just me? or were all the chicks super hot. Laura had it going on, and so did her friends. Harriot always looked like she was sick or pregnant, but I wouldn't mind rubbing that foot if you know what I mean. Hilary and Ashely were also really hot.

So after 40 years on air (4 decades) the show finally came to a close, in the final episode the family flew over a volcanoe and fell to their demise. Luckily a spin off series was created with the missing daughter as the main character!

and the best part is that all of the actors from family matters were carried over, so we never had to miss their magically touch. That's so raven continues to be one of the top shows in the world, and recent shows such as Lost, heroes, and Everybody loves raymond have attempted copy the episodes line by line, but I guess thats how this shitter industry works.

anyways Full house comin soon! John Stamos for king!

Olympics 2010 and beyond

2008-02-05T06:41:00.000-08:00

For real now, does anyone even care anymore?

I remember when I was an infant, and the big ceremony would come on, and I thought "yo man, I can dig. Look at all the people and their coloured suits!" But now I can't stand to watch that cause for one, im pretty certain I can beat any of those people in their events, and two, we all know now that the olympics are fixed.

I dont even know where the next one will be held, and as I wrote that sentence someone informed me there are summer games this year...in big ol crapan japan. Thats not even a city.

Like I said earlier all the events have pre-determined winners, like gymnastics and figure skating always goes to russia, running and volleyball to usa, swimming and canoeing to team ocean, so theres really no point in watching all that psychedelic shit. See what should really happen is have the new comers this year face the gold medal winners of 20 years ago in the same event. That is what really proves strength, cause imagine winning the gold medal in javelin in 1990 and then trying to win it again, except this time you're bald. Not the same, its harder.

Anyways, the only thing i really get excited for are the Mcdonald's olympic backpacks that they have every year, and they sell the exact same one, yet people buy those in bulk it seems. And who the F cares about bronze medal.

And why don't we ever see american gladiotors competing? Those guys are huge, and probably decendants from like zues and jesus christ, so shouldn't they be given a fair shot? I think not.

So final point, we have to decide, "are the olympics legal?" and if so "How come robots can compete?" (see picture below)

always tough, always tough...stay tuned on my feature of Full House and Family matters. PCE.