The Awesome Movie im Going Make

We all like movies and its one of those areas where we can really share common ground with each other. Ever since I was 1 years old, I've wanted to make a movie for the millions and millions of people to enjoy so I got to thinking.

..........after 16 years and thousands of ideas, the single best movie idea finally pooped out of the butt.

here is the exact teaser:

That green screen pops up with all the white small writing, like they do before trailers...THEN IT STARTS, just visualize.

Its late One night 4 years into the future, as a crab fishing ship off the edge of bermuada struggles to make its way home through dark and stormy waters. Hard dance music begins to play as the people on board begin to glow, and fly into the air without a care. Everyone starts puking until the whole sea is now puke. I begin to puke aswell cause im the star of the movie, and I notice my love interest is watching me puke while she is now shitting and puking. I try to look cool and yell at her "Clean your fucking face". One of the guys in the back shouts "I guess we're all bulimics" We all laugh as barf shoots out of our mouths. My clothes begins to fall off me and dissolve and then evolve. Something in the distance in the form of a human bat, or a batman winks at me in anger.

A tree in water drops from the heavens and all the sudden we're in space. There's now sad music in the background, and stinky smells. The tree looks like an idiot and an annoying accomplice, but is really impressive.

then the screen goes black, and BOOM BOOM BOOM as the letters M.I.B hit the screen in white text.

Thats right, you guessed it. "Men in Black 4: The 2nd holocaust"

So much drama and thrill all in one action packed hour long cinema. Release date summer 2008, or "this summer" if you want to be a dick about it.

The way I see it, I would join agent J and K as the slick new agent on the block. "Agent Ricky Cool" I'm quicker, stronger, younger, and way better with the hotties. Hold on tight folks, cause this is going to be one hell of a bloodfest.

How to tell if you're transforming into a monster

People transform into monsters all the time. Get over it. Most dudes just end up waking up a zombie in the later years anyways, eating brains and the homo kind, but we've invented things like restraining orders/fire dept to solve these issues. Besides that, we must try and seek what type of signs show up to inform you your transformation is occuring.

There are many and here they are:

1. You start smelling like poo a.k.a. "urination". It might be that you haven't taken a shower in a week, or dueced your pants, or maybe you're a vampire and from what ive heard, being a vampire sucks ass bro.

2. You choose to headbutt people as a preferred method to injure/harm/converse. It's a very underrated type of manuvere, but if delivered correctly and strategically, you can bruise a dude pretty good on the top of his kopf. I once headbutted El Diablo in the head, and that dude went silencio for 6 months.

3. People will begin to call you by the shortened form of your name. For instance a woman named "samantha" would be called "sam" and a man named "Bill" would be then called "Bi" which means he also like to bang guys, and not only is that a burn, its rather greedy.

4. You will have the craving to steal and commit crimes. Look at frankenstien for instance, cause that bag of balls stole everything from vcr's to audi's. Werewolves are constantly shitting in public and just imagine the size of godzilla's shit. Snake's are pretty illegal, and same with sharks, so i don't even understand why we allow those to remain active parts of our society today. Zoo's alone should just go to jail.

5. You will get shot more often. If people don't like the way you look, they will usually shoot you pretty quick. (examples. Hitler, Louis Riel, Voldemorte) That humpback of noter-gay got shot when he died didn't he? and that ended miserable and heartbroken. I always thought a hump was cool, cause its like reverse preggerz, or like a ninja turtle shell, but in reality it makes trying to sleep harder then the holocaust. (thats what she said)
6. Finally if you're the type of person to not let out a warning before you sneeze, then you've been a monster you're entire life. Above is wang sneezing into the blackness of her soul. Call me in 5 years when you grow up, and even then I might not pick up. Look how much she's sneezing, fuck off wang. Even I can't sneeze more then this bitch, and i'm a smug piece of shit.

These guidelines are very accurate,precise and very very proven, so watch for them in your daily life and if you don't, constantly question if you're an idiot.

ps. my favorite monster is thee El Chupacabra

CHUPA CHUPA CHECKMATE!

Top Ten Badass Things about the Medieval Times Pt.2

I was going to make a bunch of cool paragraphs on the top 5 things, but im bored of the topic, and thought Id just list them out.

#5 castle






#4 heroes/adventurers

#3 huge epic battles

#2 the dragon

#1
What ever the fuck this is

finally done this topic! :D:D

See, i knew there was a reason I liked creed.

He played fukin guitar for the band grassroots in the 60's! WHAT! (far left)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=hnFZsrs32Co

thats a cool vid of them playing, and cool song

The office is now the best

Top Ten Badass Things about the Medieval Times! PT.1

#10. The Medieval sword is probably one of the coolest inventions in the world. It's function is to stab people, or slice them. Ya, I'd rather have a gun, but because guns means respect in my hood, and swords means your out-of-date so go get a gun instead. But anyways, over the years and galactics, many different types of swords have been manifested. Like the katana, or the power crystal sword of haunting damnation. I have a sword, snoop dog has a sword, And if you don't have one, you'll die.

#9.Chainmail is number nine cause not only do you look cool in it, but it is strong enough to deflect fists from entering your stomach. It is not strong enough to deter a sword, but as long as you can't punch through it, you'll live another day and I bet my life on that. Plus if you wear this in public, people will assume you're from back in time and get the local news people to interview you and give you money. Thats free exposure on TV and RICHES!....but thanks for lieing dude.

#8. Horses are so raven. They are cool for jousting and public fun(This is a picture of a horse wandering outside my old elementry school.) Not only can a horse trample your foes, they are also fast runners, which makes them apparently fun to bet on. Want to win a million bucks? go buy a horse or get a job! HA LIKE I SHOULD TALK! Though not as cool as a unicorn or pegasus, horses still carry the ability to fly, so watch out potter, cause you're broom is now a fag. The one small burdon about your horse is that he will always have bigger balls then you....and i mean always.

#7.

Personally my favourite item on this is list what we all know as "The Wench" or "My babies mama". Wenches are good for the mid-day bang, and also are useful for heavy lifting and other things that are boring. Before wenches became equal partners with the male, it was very rare they'd be seen as figures of importance, most likely due to the fact that women have smaller brains then men and are stupid. Even that joan of arc bitch got burned, and she had god on her side. This particular wench above has mud everywhere after escaping a gully hole and is now an embarrasment to her family. Therefore she will be taken to the gallows and hung before a great audience, which is a great segway to #6.

#6.

PUBLIC EXCECUTION AND TORTURE!!!!!!!!! YAAAA!!

Basically if you fucked up, this is what happened to you with no mercy. They'ed place you in a very social district, set up come crazy device, put you in it, kill you horribly, and at the eye witness of the whole town, who would also help you on your way to death by throwing large bricks or stones and other blunt objects, as they laughed and shouted at you. That shit is legit.

Don't fuck up.

So there's 10-6, with the rest coming next blog! see yas.

The Revival of Rock and Roll

Well, I realize I promised a special on medieval stuff, but I got to thinking about the rock'n'roll genre and what grew and what fell apart. Basically after boston(which im pretty sure is still going, and has 2 girls in it now), there were no more feel good rock bands out there, cause the 90's hit, and grunge was setting in, and the air was just a hazzy horrid place. There were bands out there, but everybody was paying attention to the 90's gym dance tracks, and rap was finally making a name for itself.

I guess it took awhile, but bands started poppin up here and there like oasis, chilli peppers, U2 and even metallica. OBEY YO MASTA! MASTA and people took notice, but still other things were more distracting, like boy bands and alanis morssette's ugly face.

And then as the years rolled on, I think the genre that really infused rock was punk. Like sum 41 and Blink 182 and all those, because not only did it make people jump around, it also gave rockers in the making reason to make stuff better. OWNED. But of course I listened to all that jazz too. But during that time alot of stuff was just coming out, and more progressive stuff was being played, so all of the sudden, it was like rock was saved once again. At least until n'sync came out and we found ourselves distracted once more. Damn n'sync did so much damage to society. They hand-crafted todays preps.

Anyways deep under the sewers of all this, something was a'brewin. The creation of indie rock!

Now indie started way back early 90's, and if you really wanna get into it, indie pop started in the 70's but more bands were catching on. With theyre hip crowds and their hip t-shirts, these people didnt want to tell a soul. The general public didnt care anyways, but thats what made it sort of personal in a way. Even I was mad when I heard the shins were playing SNL for the first time. But you realize that they just want to succeed like anyone else, and they basically took a decade as a band to finally get there, which in the end makes most new indie bands feel very underwhelmed about their futures.

So with indie rock came the popularity of meshed genres, like hardcore bands, and dance-rock, and folk-rock, and now adays there is probably a rock band out there that you will love, and its inevitable. So really the question is whats next? The trend I see happening now is rock and dance peeling over to R&B, and Rap, so maybe thats the new thing.

or maybe something completely awful that makes me hate the genre all together. Time will tell!

anyways, after that 5 min constant typing ramble(which ill prolly wanna edit a million times to add all the bands i missed) ill leave with a song to listen to

its called "In transit" by "hammond Jr." which is not his full name but anyways, its solid

next blog=whatever I feel like dammit!

Stelmach=Satan

Ed Stelmach is a piece of shit

Over the years Stelmach has done, and still does many terrible terrible things. He washes his car with money. He named his son hiroshima, and then next day, BOOM! He also puts money into the advancement of gundam technology, and don't get me wrong with this one cause tranformers are cool, but there's reasons we have 3rd world countries, amIrite? Africa says Hi Ed, and also "You're a douche". He even changed his last name in the mid 60's to hide his identity. His real name? Ed Hitler.

Why did we elect such a shithole? HMMM!!!! WHY????? HMMMMMM!! I WONDER WHY????
HMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

After much delagation, the people are upset and the votes are in. Ed Stelmach is voted most unliked fagfuck in the world. Not suprising. Even my grandma voted, and i'm pretty sure she's fukin blind. Ed Stelmach puts chains on the hands of the hungry and homeless

Ed Stelmach Did

and Ed Stelmach encourages bullying.

But there's more! Ed Stelmach was born in hell and has the ability to manipulate fire and bugs. Stelmach was in training to become a serious X-men, but failed because he was unable to run faster then a small child during one of the intense exercises. If you can't run faster then a stupid ugly baby, go fucking hang yourself now.

Ed Stelmach has more head-shots then Gustav, and even killed the lovable croc-hunter himself. R.I.P. thanks to Ed...

At age "fourty-something" he became aware of alberta, and saw all the shit going on here. In 2007 Ed Gay Stelmach entered the running for alberta premiere seeing as the current premiere, Ralph Cool Klein was stepping down after a heroic stretch of years.

At the time of the election there were four other popular candidates in the running, so why did we vote stelmach? What was this guys hook? All people knew coming from this guy was he lived on the praires for a couple days and had a chipper haircut. Now that's pretty good, but he must have had something going on in the background to help him gain the upper hand......like cheating.He cheated using weapons.

Next blog="Badass things about medieval times"

Slapstick!

HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY! Lord of the Rings baby!

I tell ya, theres nothing like sittin back, crackin open a fresh beer, putting up your feet and watchin some hockey night in canada. The game of true canadians, and men. So besides that, I can guess what you're prolly thinking "Well ricky, i'm pretty sure I understand the game of hockey pretty well, what else is there to teach me?" Everything.

See most people don't generally know it, but hockey was first invented by the shady aboriginals in northern british columbia. Well that part we knew, but everyone thought it was some type of evolved form of lacross. And that is where you're completely wrong! Reason being at the time ice was only found on shubbery and trees, and never actually on the ground until the white man cleared it all. Lacross on the other hand was invented after basketball in canada but using rods instead of hands. So where does this mean hockey came from?

Hockey actually started after a fight over a fukin dog. Something that looked like this lazy piece of shit.

anyways the dog turned out to be a pretty solid skater and owned some of the guys there, and taught them how to play hockey. Here is a re-creation in the form of an old sculpture.

The dog continued to skate hard, but after numerous games it finally died. Just recently on cbc news, they said to have found a little pouch inside the dogs brains that listed the rules of hockey. Attached to it was another piece of paper that revealed the winner of the 2008 stanley cup.

The Edmonton Oilers!!!!

These days its terribly difficult to make the NHL. You have to be fast, big, and smart. You also have to have to ability to smash 20 stacked bricks with your mouth,

Funny story is I was actually in the NHL for 3 seasons, but had to leave due a sprained face but as you can see before I left, I was in the best shape of my life.

anyways, that is the NHL in a nutshell, next topic..........Stelmach! Get Ready!

World of Friken WoW

So before We get into the shindigg, lets clear up some stuff. First off WoW gets a really bad rap, and im not talking about jarool. I'm talking about its addiction and what it does to players who play constantly from baby to brawn ignoring all social aspects of life. What is it about this game that really draws in millions of players and dollars?

The answer is simple and clean, and probably not a suprise.......
World of Warcraft is real boi

That's right, the world as we know it now has been a complete lie, and but thanks to me, the truth gets out. So why has this secret land been hidden all these years? Because you're an asshole. The relevance of this is huge and secret messages from the dinosaur times have tried to warn us for years.

Below is the pyramid of giza, in egypt, one of man's most ancient and famous landmarks

And here is the same picture from a reverse angle

Like basically we're fucked.

above is a gnome (Class mage).

and here is a dangeous tiger, many of which live very close to us. This picture was taken from my backyard. Luckly I was too quick and avoided 3 arrow shots from the S.O.B. Ignore the tiny printing in the picture.

Along side me there are 11 million accounts and that number is growing everyday, which means alot of really cool people are playing at the same time. And you'll prolly think: "11 million! overload!" or "Earth must be in grave danger, help us lord" and really, I don't have the answers to those gay questions, go read a fuckin book

But besides all that, it still leaves one question.....why pay? huh? Why pay a monthly charge and continue to waste all that piece of shit money?

why don't you ask this guy? I bet he knows why.

So there you have it. Next blog topic: NHL HOCKEY

Full House & Family Matters Pt.2

Some call it a family sitcom about a struggling father trying to raise his kids without a mother, and his quirky buddies helping as step-dads. Others call it the 3rd anti-christ. I call it 3rd rock from the son. But how do we really define this show?

Well lets start with the basics. Pictured below is saget standing next to co-star Joey gladstone. Now what went on between these two? We know Uncle jesse had rebecca, but joey never had a girlfriend, and saget had that vicky chick, but how long did that last? 2 episodes? bite me. Does this mean that joey and bob were into each other? yes it does. Correct me if i'm wrong, but didn't the show take place in san fransisco? Don't you have to tape your butt shut if you go there? Beleeee dat.Look at this picture too, I didn't even photoshop it! Are they gonna get in trouble?

And remember stephanie tanner? How the hell did this happen?
Yeah thats her alright, I google imaged that crap. Heres some trivia, DJ's real name was Dirt Jacket.

But the show had alot of good episodes, like the one where they went to disneyland, and this rock climbing one, and this other one where they were forced to amputate joey to give something to comet. Check this crap out. Un-freakin-real.

Anyways, the show finally got canceled cause bob saget hit one of the olson shits. I remember cause on CNN they had this slogan that was like "saget is a faggot" and they kept repeating it. Then they got those 2 sons nicky, and alex. Now funny story, is they are the same actors from the hit series 7th heaven when that family had twins. They didn't think we'd notice? Yea go jack off.

So theres everything you need to know about the show. Now next blog is important because im going to explain everything about the game World of Warcraft and what makes it the shit. K BAI.

Full house & Family matters Pt.1

yo, does your family matter? Because then this show will apply to your hideous life.

So Family matters, one of my all time favourite shows about an underground family of crime, who would try and keep low and out of trouble in fear of being sent back to their home planet. Personally, I thought the best character was Carl winslow. He knew when to cut corners, and when to punish his victims if the time ever came. It's rumored that in the pilot episode he was actually caught with a summoning stone, trying to conjure a few demons, but it never aired....or did it!....it was said years later the video was found by some crazy director, and made into a remake. Ever heard of the movie the exorcists? Also he was asked to do the voice overs for woody in toy story before emmy winner tom hanks, but refused to because he would break the toys due to his anger problems.

All this show did was bring up mysteries, like why did one of the families daughter's dissapear half way through? Did carl shoot her? More on this later.

and who the hell is eddie with in this pictorial from the first season? My first guess was his little brother freddy, but he wasn't born yet!

and finally urkel, this geek was a loser because he was a nerd. The actor in real life is nothing but trouble aswell. (Here he is pissing off 50 cent, I would run if I were you)

So was it just me? or were all the chicks super hot. Laura had it going on, and so did her friends. Harriot always looked like she was sick or pregnant, but I wouldn't mind rubbing that foot if you know what I mean. Hilary and Ashely were also really hot.

So after 40 years on air (4 decades) the show finally came to a close, in the final episode the family flew over a volcanoe and fell to their demise. Luckily a spin off series was created with the missing daughter as the main character!

and the best part is that all of the actors from family matters were carried over, so we never had to miss their magically touch. That's so raven continues to be one of the top shows in the world, and recent shows such as Lost, heroes, and Everybody loves raymond have attempted copy the episodes line by line, but I guess thats how this shitter industry works.

anyways Full house comin soon! John Stamos for king!

Olympics 2010 and beyond

For real now, does anyone even care anymore?

I remember when I was an infant, and the big ceremony would come on, and I thought "yo man, I can dig. Look at all the people and their coloured suits!" But now I can't stand to watch that cause for one, im pretty certain I can beat any of those people in their events, and two, we all know now that the olympics are fixed.

I dont even know where the next one will be held, and as I wrote that sentence someone informed me there are summer games this year...in big ol crapan japan. Thats not even a city.

Like I said earlier all the events have pre-determined winners, like gymnastics and figure skating always goes to russia, running and volleyball to usa, swimming and canoeing to team ocean, so theres really no point in watching all that psychedelic shit. See what should really happen is have the new comers this year face the gold medal winners of 20 years ago in the same event. That is what really proves strength, cause imagine winning the gold medal in javelin in 1990 and then trying to win it again, except this time you're bald. Not the same, its harder.

Anyways, the only thing i really get excited for are the Mcdonald's olympic backpacks that they have every year, and they sell the exact same one, yet people buy those in bulk it seems. And who the F cares about bronze medal.

And why don't we ever see american gladiotors competing? Those guys are huge, and probably decendants from like zues and jesus christ, so shouldn't they be given a fair shot? I think not.

So final point, we have to decide, "are the olympics legal?" and if so "How come robots can compete?" (see picture below)

always tough, always tough...stay tuned on my feature of Full House and Family matters. PCE.