Thursday, February 14, 2008

Top Ten Badass Things about the Medieval Times! PT.1

#10. The Medieval sword is probably one of the coolest inventions in the world. It's function is to stab people, or slice them. Ya, I'd rather have a gun, but because guns means respect in my hood, and swords means your out-of-date so go get a gun instead. But anyways, over the years and galactics, many different types of swords have been manifested. Like the katana, or the power crystal sword of haunting damnation. I have a sword, snoop dog has a sword, And if you don't have one, you'll die.




#9.Chainmail is number nine cause not only do you look cool in it, but it is strong enough to deflect fists from entering your stomach. It is not strong enough to deter a sword, but as long as you can't punch through it, you'll live another day and I bet my life on that. Plus if you wear this in public, people will assume you're from back in time and get the local news people to interview you and give you money. Thats free exposure on TV and RICHES!....but thanks for lieing dude.





#8. Horses are so raven. They are cool for jousting and public fun(This is a picture of a horse wandering outside my old elementry school.) Not only can a horse trample your foes, they are also fast runners, which makes them apparently fun to bet on. Want to win a million bucks? go buy a horse or get a job! HA LIKE I SHOULD TALK! Though not as cool as a unicorn or pegasus, horses still carry the ability to fly, so watch out potter, cause you're broom is now a fag. The one small burdon about your horse is that he will always have bigger balls then you....and i mean always.





#7.


Personally my favourite item on this is list what we all know as "The Wench" or "My babies mama". Wenches are good for the mid-day bang, and also are useful for heavy lifting and other things that are boring. Before wenches became equal partners with the male, it was very rare they'd be seen as figures of importance, most likely due to the fact that women have smaller brains then men and are stupid. Even that joan of arc bitch got burned, and she had god on her side. This particular wench above has mud everywhere after escaping a gully hole and is now an embarrasment to her family. Therefore she will be taken to the gallows and hung before a great audience, which is a great segway to #6.



#6.


PUBLIC EXCECUTION AND TORTURE!!!!!!!!! YAAAA!!

Basically if you fucked up, this is what happened to you with no mercy. They'ed place you in a very social district, set up come crazy device, put you in it, kill you horribly, and at the eye witness of the whole town, who would also help you on your way to death by throwing large bricks or stones and other blunt objects, as they laughed and shouted at you. That shit is legit.

Don't fuck up.

So there's 10-6, with the rest coming next blog! see yas.

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