FINAL KOMBAT pt 4 best of list. 4-1

That's it, it finally time for the top 4 bestests and most powerfuleststs champions of kombat. Are you ready? IM NOT

#4. Fujin

Fujin was introduced into the series in the sub-zero mythology games, which was infact one of the first games that I sat down and completed in my young native american youth. Some people say fujin can blow up a balloon with his godlike wind powers in under 2 seconds, but actually the speed title is still held by "smat smat, diene spiele katze fratz". Besides workin dem hoes he is also the protector of earthrealm, a.k.a makes sure we don't die, so give this guy respect or he might pull off another holocaust with his ponytail thats as long as my dong. His weapon used to be a crossbow, but after the makers found out how gay that was, they gave him a big ass mace, but we all know his really weapon is anger. Watch out cause fugin fujin is not fudgin around.





#3. Sub-Zero


WHAT THE FUCK. WHY ISN'T HE #1! Thats right, sub-zero gets the number 3 spot on this outrageous list. The fact of the matter is that there are really two sub-zeroes, with endless possibilities for the future so theres not really a dude to cheer for here. Even you and me could oneday be sub-zero...well not you but, I could be frikidy freeze himself. Some downfalls include that girl sub-zero frost which I think is basically just gay, and in the end made him slightly less cool. nuff said. Sub-zero became probably one of the easiest characters to use due to his special traits and was the only character you could beat goro with in MK:2 (hard mode). He can be given the title of coolest looking ninja in the history of life, but also the title of worst fatality. (He tosses the tiniest snow ball at the dude, who then blows up). It is just not satisfying. He comes with the good, and also some bad, makin him a solid numba 3.


#2. Scorpion

Well the day finally came where I put forth slightly more regard for scorpion then sub-zero. Who knew id betray such a close friend. Overall and over the course of the series, scorpion has never changed his mission statement. He's fuckin evil, likes to yell shit, and you can never kill him cause he'll somehow return in ghost form and just be an annoying piece of shit to deal with over and over again, forever. Probably my most favorite thing about scorpion are his sayings such as Get Over Here, Get Down Here, and my least favorite, Get Out. He could really just scream stuff the whole match cause it would fit his character, but the makers had to draw the line somewhere... Scorpion also has the fastest sweep kick out of any character in any game. You can probably link 5 to 6 consecutive sweep kicks on a regular basis while the other player throws his controller at the T.V. smashing it everywhere and then stomps on your arms. The moral is that you can choose to play scorpion, but if you do youre a cheater.

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#1. Raiden

Raiden is god.

When I can finish 4 different games with him using only one move, you know that something awesome has been born. Back Back Forward punch, Back Back Forward Punch, over and over and over and over. Just to hear him scream while he's flying through the air gives me a bonner straight away. One thing most people don't know is that raiden's throw radius is huge. You could be standing at the opposite end of the arena, and I could still grab you and throw you. There's just no complaints here...well besides that short haired dude that played him in MK: Aninihilation, but besides that this is the greatest and most powerful of all the Mortal Kombat characters and any new ones.

*ALSO CHECK THIS OUT

This site (official site of Ed boon) has a mysterious countdown on it, leading people to believe that he is about the announce the next generation MK game. Who knows what the fuck is gonna happen next.

http://www.noob.com/

And yes, its finally here.... MORTAL KOMBAT 3: DEVASTATION! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0293429/

MK PT 3! best of list. 9-5

It's tough workin 9-5! Mah bebe is fatz, and has da too manies wormz in da face EEWWWWW. Here is the continued list of the greatest fighters in MK history.

#9. Smoke

All I can say when it comes to smoke is what the fuck. I remember losing to him in MK:2 once in a life time cause he was a secret character along with jade. Then he was in Mk:3 as a cyborg, and then was missing from MK:4. Then in the some of the future games he was combined with saibot. Smoke is a faggorz and isn't even good, he's just an annoyance on the mind and a big enough one to be this high on the list.


#8. Noob Saibot

Now for one of the cooler ninja's Saibot himself. Did you know backwards his name is Tobias Boon, and the makers of the MK series were named Ed boon and John Tobias? Wild. Wild thang.

Saibot was actually the original sub-zero before he later on joined some dark brotherhood, so if you're ever playing the oringal MK-MK2, youre actually playing as noob. Thats's why the sub-zero in MK:3 is a totally different dude with no mask who became the new sub-zero. DID YOU KNOW THAT? I DIDNT UNTIL I LOOKED IT UP! That means saibot actually has the moves of both sub-zero and shadow shit, making him sick wit it.

#7. Reptile

Reptile winzzzz. Mean and Green live in color, you just know this dude is serious. He's a frigen lizard and spits acidic mucus at your face, are you kidding me? In the original games he appeared to be a green ninja, and shocked the world when he took off his mask during a fatality to grab the other dudez head with his tongue and rip that shit off. He also had the ability to go invisible which was the cheapest crap, and kinda stupid cause the person controlling him usually forgot where he was too. Besides that reptile is a solid pick, just dont lick his dick.

#6. Goro

Aww fuck its goro, get the fuck out. If you ever had the chance to go up against goro, you know that he was usually 3 times harder then the final boss in any of the games. He has the cheapest moves, and they take so much damage off that you scream. He's up on the list because of these facts, and will be remembered as a tough CPU controlled MOFO. In the MK movie when johnny cage punches his nads he starts crying, making it one of cinematics most hilarious scenes.

#5. Liu Kang

YEAHH MANNNN. Kangz in town, and he's pissed. I don't know why they killed him later on in the series and brought him back as a zombie cause gay that. Over the series, liu kang had enough special type moves, that anyone playing him never even had to kick or punch. Besides his bruce lee type sound rip offs, he also had some of the best finishers in the game, including turning into a dragon and dropping an arcade machine on his opponents head. Did you know he was also trained by Bo'rai cho? gay. If they ever make another movie, they gotta use the same guy again, I don't care how old he is.

Mortal Kombat best of list. 14-10

The countdown continues, as we finally find out who is better then who in all aspects of moda fugin KOMBAT.

#14. Sektor & Cyrax

Thats right you slut, I grouped these fucks together, making them both #14 on the list. Don't agree? Then pce out. There's nothing really too special about these dudes other then the fact that they are robots, and have cool names. Something you might not know is Cyrax is actually a black dude, but something you will know is his moves are gay. Cyrax can basically trap you in a green net, or shoot bombs out of his chest...thats it. Sektor kinda of follows in the same boat. Because he's red and has lazerz daggzorz he is a little bit cooler, but his moves (firing missles out of his chest) are just as gay. You would only pick them because you wanna be a cyborg for awhile, but then you realize how lame it is, and if you don't have techno music in the background, its just way way worse.


#13. Kenshi

So now we finally can get into some characters worth mentioning, starting with kenshi. Playing this guy was always weird, cause he's blind and you're not, so you could always see the action just the same. They should insert some weird mechanic so that if you select him, that you can't always see what is going on in the fight, but to compensate you just make him really strong. It will never happen so fuck off. Besides being a fun swordsman to play, kenshi also has telekinetic powas, and when he was first introduced into the series, he was the most powerful player you could choose.

#12. Johnny Cage

Johnny cage is pretty much the most well rounded character in the whole series. He's a cool guy to meet and is my best friend. Half the reason he's up on the list have to do with the sound his hyper ballz make. It's probably the coolest sound in anything and i'm personally able to mimic it with my mouth after years of training. Plus this dudes got shadow kicks, shadow kicks are rad. Johnny cage punches dicks, Johnny cage gets the ladies, and Johnny cage would make a great dad.

#11. Jax

Crikidy Crax, Jax to the Max. In MK:2, the only chracter I would choose to beat the game with was jax..up till goro. This was because his finisher was the easist shit ever, and I want to see him clap everyone's head off. I would never choose jax now, nor will I ever again, but we had some good times. I'm sure he could school me in any sports competition because he looks athletic. He now plays for the bengals and we wish him all the luck with that SUPERBOWLZ.

#10. Kung Lao

I don't care what people say, kung lao is the shit. Even though everyone plays him because they think throwing sharp hats is cool, I play him because I wanna throw his hat hard. Kung lao is what Id call raiden's most notorius rival, besides like fujin and Shang Tsung and a few others...cause they look alike? If you catch him on a good day, he'll maybe teleport too, so that makes him kinda cool right there. He's not really known for much cept for throwing the hat, and that whole idea was stolen from oddjob (James Bond movies) but w/e..Kung lao will kick yo ass.

MORTAL KOMBAT MUTHA FUCKA Best of list. 20-15

You has beef? You betta shut it before I get mah bro sub-zero to freeze your face. If dat don't ride, I'll call up mah dogg jax from his new job at NFL to come rip off your stupid arms. If you into the swank? Spill to mileena, but not before she sucks yo ass up and spits you out bones. I'm talking straight up MK you snailsnappa.

Well all know about the kombats of mortals, and are familiar with our favorite characters, so I decided to get into the best of the best and rank em based on awesomeness in a list of out 20.

#20. Bo'rai cho

Bo'rai cho, otherwise known as fat drunk piece of shit gets the bottom of the cool list. He was not in the original MK games, and made his first debut in Deadly Alliance, THAT'S 3D FOLKS! Even though people hate his guts, they can't help but try him out at least once. Why did he even make the list you ask? Simply because one of his finishers is tremendous. He backs up, jumps into the air and then belly flops on to the guy who then responds by exploding, followed by screaming even after he has exploded. But good luck trying to even do it, because most of the time you'll just lose the match due to his suck.

#19. Baraka

Ever think why that obama campaigning shit is so popular? It's got nothing to do with people and politics and money and all that hasafras. Friken baraka is the reason. He's on the list because in MK:2 he was the cheapest character to pick, and easiest character to beat the game with, and hardest CPU character to face. He was also one of the few characters in the MK series to not have any throwing type spells, but instead used his only his armblades of steel. People often feel baraka is misunderstood or is actually good, but really he's just a bald fag that looks like a shark.

#18. Shang Tsung

Moda fugin Shang Tsung. I always wondered why people didn't pick him more often, with his pretty well rounded character strenghs, the power to steal souls and the ability to shapeshift into the rest of the cast. Those reason's alone are largely what make him #18, but really it was that epic fighting scene at the end of MK:the movie with the music goin. Very trendy. The truth is nobody picks him cause nobody remembers or wants to remember how to to turn into their favorite character. By the time you figure it out, yo ass is deadz.

#17. Sindel

Hot ass sindel with her old ass titties. She's on the list cause she screams pretty good. That's it. Never play as her.

#16. Kano

Kano is cool, cause kano is a badass. He likes to beat up girls, swear and speak in accents. In the movie theres a scene where him and sonya are battling and he has her held up against him, and he accidently spits on her face. That scene alone made the movie 10 times better and kano worthy of such a list. I didn't even realize kano wasn't in MK:2 till a couple days ago; probably because if he was, Id never pick his suck ass anyways. Pains the name of the gamo, undertaker vs kano.

#15. Stryker

Alright well obviously half is coolness straight away is his name. Secondly he just looks like a cool guy to hang out with, what with his backwards cap and humanoid weapons. He was known best for being a cheap character in MK:3 and having one of the best combos that would basically kill the other dude real fast. I never picked him though cause grenades are gay when you can use magic. Blue shirt though, pretty shocking.

So thats todays countdown, the rest have been figured out and are comin soon.

DragonBall Movie: Release date April.3rd/09

So finally them bitches are making a DB movie. Now we know its not as cool or popular as DBZ, but there are still plenty ballz, alienz, fightingz and a dragonz which just makes any subject fantastic.

All I gotta say is cartoons along with games that are made into movies are suck, mostly because of the fact that they are made by the White man trying to make an extra buck off a famous licensed product. There are a couple exceptions here and there, like transformers, and the X-men series but does that mean we're taking a turn in the quality of these type of remakes?.....not on christs life.

So instead of ripping on the subject, I thought id thought Id show the actors, and who they are portraying to see if they at least did a half decent job.

CAST:

Goku

First off the man himself Goku played by Justin chatwin. Well I should actually say kid Goku, because you have to remember this is DragonBall we're talking about here...

First complaints is using the Caucasians. We all know I hate white skin, but this is a Japanese product here, and I just assumed while watching that they were all Japs. Boo to that.

If you're thinking that actor looks familiar, its cause he was the son in War of the Worlds. All I remember from his role in that was, how the hell did he get all the way to his mom's house in boston so fast. Especially after he got essploded. Apparently he also stared in Superbabies:2 which went straight to Dvd, so goodluck with one of the most respected and well known characters in anime history. What a fail.

Lord Piccolo

Now, apart of the first one, I think they Actually did well this time around. James Marsters, otherwise known as badass dude in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series will take the role of piccolo. He also was in smallville, has a band, and just straight up looks the part.

The difference here is we at least know the dude has history in beating people up, and reminds me of Billy idol. Well done.

Masta Roshi

Fuck yeah. Chow freakin Yun fat. If you don't know who this chikidy chinese warrior is, then stab yourself in the chest elliot smith style, cause this guy is a fighting legend. The image below of him isn't even from the movie, so we already know that he fits the part in everyway.

Dude is more well known for in North America for Crouching tiger, bulletproof monk, and even Pirates of the caribean 3, but apparently has made like a thousand movies in asia. What a hero.

Bulma

Well, I don't know too much about bulma, besides knowing that she invented the thing that locates the dragonballz, but what I do know is that it was extremely difficult finding a picture of her not naked on google. She will be played by the sexay Emma Rossum who was in Day after Tomorrow and some other crap, but nobody cares cause all girls have to do in action movies is be hot.

Theres some other people, but they dont matter enough for me to make opinions on them.

So Besides boy goku the actor front isn't entirely bad, but I still don't understand how theyre going to make 10 minute zoomed in face twitching action interrupting soliloquys translate to film.

We'll have to wait and see.

Funk Fanatico

im addicted to writing movie scenes that I plot out in my head. I'll be doing a special on a couple upcoming movies in the near future, but here's one more scene till then, in a new series "Funk Fanatico" Btw, I was thinking about it for awhile and realized cities that allow Super heroes must be affiliated with capital punishment, cause those heroes are allowed to murder so many people. Heath Ledger didnt deserve it batman and neither did september 11th.

Funk Fanatico

Yits lines up behind a large crowd at thee "All out Fighting competition of the Sherwood community".

Looking around at all the people, he notices familiar faces, such as his neighbor Mr.Watts who is dressed in a full tight black suit, or Mrs.Carol, his 8th grade teacher, who is war screaming in preperation. Some of his friends are there too, but further ahead in line, so he doesn't move up and risk losing his spot, even though everyone gets entered.

The fighting competition takes place every year in the neighborhood community hall gymnasium, to find out who is the toughest and most respected of the sherwooders, with the winner usually walking away with a stick of ham and a couple of free movie tickets/game rentals.

Usually about 40 people take part in the competition per year from 6 year old boys to stray dogs, but this year, Sherwood had its outside commune thomsville join in, raking in an extra 17 people.

Yits ponders around in line, wondering if he should do this, only to look ahead and realize he is next to sign up. Up at the front there is a very large hairy man sitting at the booth with a couple pieces of paper and an evil tatoo on his face. Yits backs up slowly in fear before he bumps into a man in a radish costume and is pushed forward all the way up to the counter. The man looks up and begins to speak in a low growling voice.

Mulrey-You here for the sign up?

Yits- yeah.....I guess so..

Mulrey- Name?

Yits- Yits Rasinburry

Mulrey- Age?

Yits- 18

Mulrey- Weapon?

Yits- wait wait, we're allowed weapons?

Mulrey- You bet your titties we are.

Yits- oh god.......umm alright well.......axe?

Mulrey- axe? alright axe it is. Now tell me Yits, how many skills are you?

Yits- How many skills am I? What do you mean by that? Do you mean what skills do I have?

Mulrey- No you fuck on fire, how many skills are you?

Yits- I dunno..? 3? I am 3 skills?

Mulrey- Are you kidding me? You are 3 skills?

Yits- Well I dont know, how many skills are you?

Mulrey- I am the skills that kills

Yits- Whats that?

Mulrey- Well it means that I hold the sole crystal power of Gixnaxmi, allowing me to crush my foes with the easiests of manuvers, both embarresing them, and making me more powerful.

Yits- I'm not sure what all that means, but just put me down as "skills that kills" too

Mulrey- Two kills huh? I can't wait to finally doom my long awaited rival.

Yits- You arent going to hurt me are you?

Mulrey- Oh im gonna cut your fuckin head off


END

Hilarious

A perfect example of what I find hilarious

"The cafe"

I don't know why I wrote this. It will make you feel ill inside, like im feeling right now. Have fun.

A Tall Man in shorts and raincoat walks into a cafe, and scans the room. The place is full, but there is a pretty woman sitting by herself in the corner eating a danish and reading a white piece of paper. There is loud chatter, and music playing soflty in the background. He approaches her table.

Toobs-Hey, can I eat a piece of your cookie with you?

Mabes-Excuse me?

Toobs- Yeah, just noticed you were eating that cookie, and id like to share it with you. I'll nible on one side, and you can have the rest. Bargain.

Mabes-umm, no

Toobs- It's probably rotten anyways. I can't believe you keep eating it cause that would be sick if you bit it one more time infront of me. You're a big fat pig though, so who knows what you'll do next.

She attempts to get up; he stops her

Toobs- Wait, wait....im sorry..........sorry... I'm just a little stressed out this week. My car exploded and I just need someone to talk to. You understand right? We've all been there. Please sit.

He smiles genuinely. She sits back down.

Toobs- So what's that piece of paper there, are you writing me a secret love note, or perhaps a photo colage? Oh I know, I bet you're reading a book on climbing. Do you know what that is? Pass it quick before anyone sees, I'll have a quick read.

She pretends to smile, but her eyes are filled with fear

Mabes- I think I have to go, but it was nice talking to you

She gets up and quickly scuttles for the door, exiting the cafe. The man smiles.
There is a pop machine up against side wall with a young male standing infront of it, pondering his choice.The young boy puts his money into the machine, but still remains undecided. The man walks up to him.

Toobs- How much money did you put in?

Piper- A dollar, why?

Toobs- I have two dollars

Piper- So?

Toobs- I'm two times better. Pick this one.

The man blindly slams his hand into one of the machines buttons, prompting a diet rootbeer to fall from the bottom

Piper- HEY! Why'd you do that? I didn't want that one!

Toobs- I wanted it. I broke my toe doing that and am unable to speak to you any further.

The man shotguns the diet rootbeer and leans forward against a table, Shifting it forward and causing him to fall down. Peeking around again, he spots a couple of guys sitting nearby, laughing about old times. He approaches.

Toobs- Hey studs, I'm reporter for the daily ruble, could I ask for a minute of your time to answer some questions about the city?

The two men stare at each other and smile.

Prix- Alright, we have a minute, fire away.

Toobs- Cool, cats. First question regards the balance between liquids and solids in our municipality.

Yem- What do you mean?

Toobs- I mean like do you prefer sodas, or meats? Are you guys assholes? Cause it really sounds like you're a couple of jackasses right?

Prix-Buddy, do you want to get your ass kicked?

Toobs- You couldn't kick my ass, you look like a weak female, who is ugly and has a mouth filled with mucus.

Yem starts laughing ans shaking his head in a "you're just asking for it" way

Prix- That's it guy, lets go outside.

The man and his friend get up, pulling the man in the raincoat towards the door.

Toobs- Unhand me captors. This is beyond rude. I'm not frequent.

They open the door and pull him outside onto the sidewalk. There are cars going by and the sky is grey.

Toobs- I'm afraid you've made a sacred mistake, and will have to pay for your intrusion.

The man in the raincoat reaches his right hand into his inside pocket. The two men back up.

Toobs- Climax, engaged.

omg

this will steal 7 minutes if your life, but this is what happens in north korea

http://youtube.com/watch?v=GwKWttrEaSM

Television's greatest network YTV (years 1995-2000)

If you asked me how many show's I watched as a kid, I would prolly burp under my breathe and frown. Alot of mongrels ended up sticking to family channel, or maybe the new and hip "Teletoon" that just hit the market at the time. But me you ask?............I was watching the prime time.Sucka what!

So many great shows to name like hey arnorld, pochemonz, rugrats, big comfy couch, kitty cats!, Video and Arcade top 10 and freakin reboot...

even UH OH was fucking hilarious! HAHAHA UH OH!!!!!!!! and then kane would spit/poop his own slime into the glass thing. The type of disrespect that dude had really just grossed me out. He didn't need his bucket of green gobly goops to do that.

Ytv also got me in touch with my personal side. If you all remember, right after Sailor moon on saturday mornings, they had this show called "Bare-butts" and it was 2 hours of just naked butts. That show had the best theme song though. "Bare-butts bare-butts, whats that quack? Air-butts my bare-butts, accomplished attack."

They also had a show called "Unleash the pain" which was a thousand times scarier then goosebumps/freaky stories/are you afraid of dark?/ and hell combined. Basically they would show off a series of really terrifying pictures of creatures from across the world, like the one below. God that show just made me shit my pants over and out captain.

A couple of the other shows that get the honorable mention were the "Cat adventure's of Zelda"He friken died in the first episode, and then they just filmed his face for the next three seasons. I think sometime in season 2, one of his ears fell off, but ill have to to look it up again.

Then there was that ugly little girl "Shmetlik Blench" who could eat a bunch of pizza's in under 2 minutes. It wasn't very interesting, but it always got hilarious everytime she'd throw up and start screaming.

YTV changed my life, and ethnic background. It was the first broadcast station to actually feature people trying to succeed at life, and introduced our hollywood love Mike Modano.

With all this greatest, what could make a guy like me stop watching..........?It was that baby talking harpy siren sexy sasafrass Stephanie Beard. Do not be fooled by her striking good looks, for this demon-soul is literally 2 feet tall (Otherwise known as a leprachaun) and has the voice of what you would describe as a baby filled with helium who is chewing bubbles.

Ever since the day she joined, they cancelled all the good shows, or ruined the ones that existed.

I hate you Stephanie beard, and I hope when you're pregnant and your stomach grows big, that someone elbow drops it full on and beheads your baby.

im angry, and im out.

What is inappropriate?

I like to think people are too snooty and self righteous. They all think they know right from wrong, left from right, pan from boop, blix from bung, klang from slat. But really, what the shit is inappropriate these days, in a our world of woes? Below will be a list of scenarios and you decide if they are inappropriate or not.

If something is, you will get 1 point, if it isn't you get no points. Add your points to find out what type of person you are.

Let's start this schank!

1. Eating beetles and lint

2. Getting a bonner while crying

3. Laying down and peeing straight up

4. Spitting on the groceries of the people ahead of you in line

5. Shaving your dad's head whenever he laughs

6. Paying for stuff with gravel

7. Calling Saturday Night Live, "Saturgay boobs night"

8. Bending over in public, and pointing your butt into the air to fart

9. Nick-naming reptile from mortal kombat "Mean and Green"

10. Tickling old people until they scream

11. Collecting snakes, and using them as floppy swords to whip at people

12. Instead of getting someone a present for their birthday, you get a life

13. Slipping bombs into people's drinks

14. Throwing a slop of seaweed at yourself, then scream that you're being attacked by a demon

15. Starting to rapidly shake in public, and warning others near you that you may explode if they dont buy you a can of pop


thats all of them. So lets get to the points.

1-15 pts = you're a pig

0 pts = you're unreal

made me choke to death

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1806533

the video above made me laugh so hard (while eating) I started choking and then ran to the bathroom to puke.

The Best Screenplay You'll Ever Read

Well the M.I.B: 4 movie didnt work out all too well, cause after contacting a local producer, I was told that if I wanted all the stuff in the movie that I listed out, it would cost 40 billion dollars, the lives of 300 people (one of which is morgan freeman), and the democracy of Chad. So to avoid those pesky lawsuits, and the death of russia's greatest actor, I think i'm going to play it safe with another special feature titled "Jumangi 2: Satan's return"

90 year old Robin williams would return once again to the big screen in what will be the most hilarious outrageous comedy of the year! Also starring that one dude from Ready to Rumble, Marvin Wayens, and The Rock!

Instead of giving a trailer, this time ill actually give a special sneak peak at the screenplay in this little excerpt seen below.

I must also make sure I remember to mention that Marvin waynes is in the bottom right hand corner of the screen doing his standard comedian act during the entire movie. He talks at the same level of volume as the people in the film, so you can't always hear what is being said by anyone. Simply Outrageous!

Characters:
Robin-Alan
Dwayne Johnson-Angry coach
Marvin-Stand up comedian
Ricky-Robin's son (Andrew)
Ready to Rumble guy-Ref

*Prologue
Alan decides to take his young son Andrew to the local hockey game downtown. Ever since the death of his daughter Raven, Alan has promised himself to make sure he spends as much time with Andrew as possible before he dies too.

At the Rink

Andrew-Hey dad here's our seats, section 14B, seat 11 right?

Alan-Righto as an oreo slick, why don't you save my seat while I get us a couple beers

Andrew-Haha, dad you know I don't drink

Alan-Well you better start, cause you might die like your sister

Andrew-How could you say such a thing!?

Alan-Cause im the one who killed her

The game begins as the father and son try to relax and enjoy each other's company, when suddently Andrew notices a bag his dad is holding under his chair.

Andrew- Hey dad, whats in the bag?

Alan- Mind your shit, and drink your beer

Andrew- Dad, you're starting to really scare me

Alan- Fine! It's about time you see what a real man is anyways

Alan goes into the bag, searches for a bit, and finally pulls out a pair of old style skates from the 40's.

Andrew- What are you going to do with those?

Alan- Are you kidding me!? Ever since my 30'th birthday i've wanted to join the NHL, and here's my chance

Andrew- Are you crazy? You're not allowed on the Ice!

Alan- One more word, and i'll put a mosquito into your mouth

Andrew- How are you even going to get out there?

Alan- That's it! Fuck you son, I'm leaving you and your mother. Stop being an asshole and help me over the boards

Andrew grapples his dad's foot as he begins to lift him over. Alan gets himself high enough and finally smashes into the ice on the other side, and remains face down.

Andrew (yelling)- Dad are you okay?

Alan- Follow your dreams son, like I did mine.

One of the ref's finally notices Alan on the ice, and blows the whistle ending play. The whole audience is now looking down at alan, who is now taking off his clothes. He slowly gets up and skates over to a player pretending to be hurt and yanks his stick from his hands, grabbing control of the puck. Skating towards one of the nets (that has a goalie with his back turned, drinking out of a water bottle) alan drives forward and takes a hard wrister. It hits the goalie in the back of the leg and bounces away. The goalie falls down in pain. Alan raises his hands in victory.

Alan (under his breathe)- Ah Shit, nice save, but ill beat you next time

The ref finally skates over and grabs him

Ref- What the hell are you doing, are you ready to rumble?

Alan- You bet your balls

They begin to wrestle. The ref busts out of sick suplex breaking alan's back.

Alan- Ah shit.......JUMANGI!!!! SAVE ME!!!!

Andrew- I HATE YOU DAD!

The camera quickly swings around and zooms in on one of the coaches (Dwayne Johnson) who his angry and repeatidly screaming "OH ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM!"

end of scene.

You can get my autograph later.

Are pokemon real?

What an amazing show of talents and remarkable juxtaposition. Frigin slave monsters who hurt each other for just a couple bucks and a hello marry. It is worth it? You bet your skinny little ass.

My neighbor's 5 year old kid told told me last weekened that pokemon were the real deal.....and in fact it was the last thing he told me before I chucked him off a bridge, but I got thinking...where did the idea of pokemon originate? JAPAN RIGHT? Don't be stupid. What you are about to see are real life pokemon.here is a lickitungGrowlithecuboneA herde of rapidashGravelerMukRaticateDrowseeExecuteArticunoDitto

All these pokemon found where? None other then New Zealand! Get ready these aussies are comin hard.

p.s. I even found the real Ash Ketchum ...this dude is packen

But apparently shit on his hat. Ash, you need to go ketch a shower! FUNNY. But really you smell like black shit.