"The cafe"

I don't know why I wrote this. It will make you feel ill inside, like im feeling right now. Have fun.

A Tall Man in shorts and raincoat walks into a cafe, and scans the room. The place is full, but there is a pretty woman sitting by herself in the corner eating a danish and reading a white piece of paper. There is loud chatter, and music playing soflty in the background. He approaches her table.

Toobs-Hey, can I eat a piece of your cookie with you?

Mabes-Excuse me?

Toobs- Yeah, just noticed you were eating that cookie, and id like to share it with you. I'll nible on one side, and you can have the rest. Bargain.

Mabes-umm, no

Toobs- It's probably rotten anyways. I can't believe you keep eating it cause that would be sick if you bit it one more time infront of me. You're a big fat pig though, so who knows what you'll do next.

She attempts to get up; he stops her

Toobs- Wait, wait....im sorry..........sorry... I'm just a little stressed out this week. My car exploded and I just need someone to talk to. You understand right? We've all been there. Please sit.

He smiles genuinely. She sits back down.

Toobs- So what's that piece of paper there, are you writing me a secret love note, or perhaps a photo colage? Oh I know, I bet you're reading a book on climbing. Do you know what that is? Pass it quick before anyone sees, I'll have a quick read.

She pretends to smile, but her eyes are filled with fear

Mabes- I think I have to go, but it was nice talking to you

She gets up and quickly scuttles for the door, exiting the cafe. The man smiles.
There is a pop machine up against side wall with a young male standing infront of it, pondering his choice.The young boy puts his money into the machine, but still remains undecided. The man walks up to him.

Toobs- How much money did you put in?

Piper- A dollar, why?

Toobs- I have two dollars

Piper- So?

Toobs- I'm two times better. Pick this one.

The man blindly slams his hand into one of the machines buttons, prompting a diet rootbeer to fall from the bottom

Piper- HEY! Why'd you do that? I didn't want that one!

Toobs- I wanted it. I broke my toe doing that and am unable to speak to you any further.

The man shotguns the diet rootbeer and leans forward against a table, Shifting it forward and causing him to fall down. Peeking around again, he spots a couple of guys sitting nearby, laughing about old times. He approaches.

Toobs- Hey studs, I'm reporter for the daily ruble, could I ask for a minute of your time to answer some questions about the city?

The two men stare at each other and smile.

Prix- Alright, we have a minute, fire away.

Toobs- Cool, cats. First question regards the balance between liquids and solids in our municipality.

Yem- What do you mean?

Toobs- I mean like do you prefer sodas, or meats? Are you guys assholes? Cause it really sounds like you're a couple of jackasses right?

Prix-Buddy, do you want to get your ass kicked?

Toobs- You couldn't kick my ass, you look like a weak female, who is ugly and has a mouth filled with mucus.

Yem starts laughing ans shaking his head in a "you're just asking for it" way

Prix- That's it guy, lets go outside.

The man and his friend get up, pulling the man in the raincoat towards the door.

Toobs- Unhand me captors. This is beyond rude. I'm not frequent.

They open the door and pull him outside onto the sidewalk. There are cars going by and the sky is grey.

Toobs- I'm afraid you've made a sacred mistake, and will have to pay for your intrusion.

The man in the raincoat reaches his right hand into his inside pocket. The two men back up.

Toobs- Climax, engaged.